It is difficult for him to see and comprehend front versus back and getting his feet into the leg holes. He is very confused and frustrated and doesn't want to wear them. He doesn't see the need for them either. He doesn't like to change his clothes. He also does not wash any body parts other than his face. He stopped doing his laundry also (I take stuff home once a week now to wash for him). He lives alone and would not accept in-home caregiver. What can be done about this?
Your father should no longer live alone. He has lost his ability to reason, process and comprehend. He is in his own little world. Since he is addimant in not leaving his house, you may need to wait for something to happen to put him in the hospital. Then you can tell them he can't be discharged back home because its unsafe for him. He needs to be evaluated for LTC unless u want him living with u. If he has no money, Medicaid can be applied for.
Its not what Dad wants anymore, its what he needs. If no POA it will make things a little harder. You would then need to go for guardianship. Its expensive, but I think Medicaid allows the use of Dads money for this. You can consult with a lawyer.
So sorry you are going thru this.
When you say your father would not accept an in-home caregiver, is this a conversation you've actually had with him?
If he's struggling with day to day life, and he doesn't want to move into Assisted Living, then that's his only option, really. Is the dementia diagnosis formal?
87 with Dementia...He should not be living alone.
He should have a caregiver or be monitored 24/7 there are so many things that could happen. From wandering off? And would he know what to do if smoke detector or carbon monoxide detector went off? What would happen if someone came to the door asking to "use the phone to call for car service"?
At some point you need to make the decision for his safety
Move in with him, he moves in with you or he moves to Assisted or better Memory Care. Or he accepts a caregiver, this would at least keep him in his home. But there should still be someone there 24/7.
Ok..read the other posts...JoAnn29 is spot on!
As for the Pull up briefs...
Can you make a large X on the back so that he knows back from front?
Also before you put them in his dresser or where ever they are kept open them up and loosen them at the waist and legs. The way they are packaged they are compressed to save room and it is almost like they are welded shut. By opening them up it would be easier to gt his legs into them and it would be easier (especially with an X on the back) to get them on the right way.
If he is trying to put them up while standing that might make it more difficult as well have him sit down to put them on.
Hugs 🤗
The problem here is you.
When I’m confronted by a helpless situation, I sit back and say what’s the best for mom/dad? In my opinion, the best for him is to leave his current environment. Do you have caregiver guilt? Nothing is going to change if you keep doing the same thing over and over. It will get worse.
Having said that, put an action plan into effect.
Do you need a lawyer? Find an elder lawyer who has been doing this for a long time. Think of this: Do you see an eye doctor when your foot hurts? Why not, they’re both doctors?
Do I have POA in place?
Take action now before this becomes a bigger mess for you to solve.
He is resistant to what he needs to do, but is he incompetent and his mind can no longer figure out how to get a foot in a diaper? Sometimes elderly quit doing the full bath thing simply because it is too much trouble and exhausting. Sometimes they don't think they are dirty because they haven't done anything to exert or break a sweat. Would he shower off sitting on a shower chair?
If he knows what he's doing, then tell him these are the things that must be done everyday - brush teeth, etc. You have to take a bath at least 3 times a week. Can you do these things? If you can't, we have to get some help in here. If you don't want help in the home, you will have to move. If you really want to stay in your home, we have to make some changes - so what do you want to do. Tell him that it's you're job as daughter to make sure all this happens or you would be in trouble....maybe he'll consider. Hard talk to have with him, but must be done if he can mentally understand and make a choice for himself
Depending on level of dementia right now, he may not get a say so. You have to 1) get someone there to handle daily tasks or 2) get him to a place where he can get help and be safe.
I got him confused with the other persons situation. Sorry. You have a choice...live with his standards. Just keep the place sanitary and be sure he does not eat spoiled food. The pull ups are like jockey shorts. They stretch good or if too large a belt on pants will hold them up. If either one of you has a "guy" let him do a shower once a week. Insurance will provide a aid to train and you can get a chair for shower or bench for tub plus grab bars.
bathing is a problem with my dad too. He has developed a fear of water - which I understand is a part of dementia. I have him do a sponge bath - I have to be with him when he does it. I made mitts out of wash cloths so that he can use them easier and he doesn't have to hang on to them, they just go right over his hands. One for each hand, before washing he would need to sqeeze his hands with the cloths together to remover excess water. I use the sink for the soapy water and a basin for the rinse water. If you were to do that even once per week at least it's something. You can plan to bring his laundry back that day. If you were to put sets of clothes and lable them with the day of the week that he should wear them maybe he would change his clothing. I put my fathers clothes for the next day on a clothes tree so that he knows that what he needs to put on when he gets up in the morning. I hope some of this helps.
good luck