Not a question really. As I read through many stories of caregivers reporting that their loved one won’t cooperate or are nasty, I began to wonder how it feels to lose control of one’s mind and one’s personal freedom. Most people don’t recognize that they have lost cognitive abilities but they do know when they have lost their freedom. They act like defiant 3 year olds but it is not their fault really. Disease is eating away at their brains and part of them is fighting to be respected as an adult with choices. It is SOO FRUSTRATING for caregivers. What do you do with a toddler when that toddler will never grow up and doesn’t remember that you are being good to them and not just bossing them around and trying to control them? The best I have found is Teepa Snow and a support group because frustration can make us sick or, keeping in negative feelings can make us feel we are monsters. Peace to all of you who are struggling.
I would say that the other thing is to recognize that we ourselves are human, that we are individuals with individual limitations, and to learn to go a bit easy on ourselves when frustration and anxiety hit. Not all of us are cut out for/able to accomplish in home care of those we love. I knew early on I could never do this. I was a nurse and I loved it, but there was no way I could do that work 24/7 and maintain sanity. We need to know and accept ourselves, as well as those elders we love.
The underlying point that you are making is fair, neither the adult with dementia or the young child can fully comprehend everything that is happening in their lives.
The major difference though is that young children grow up to become independent! The adult with dementia will never progress. In fact, they will continue to decline, making their independence impossible.