My grandpa convinced the weekend nurse at the facility where he lives that he needed to go to the hospital claiming he was not able to eat or drink due to jaw pain (He has a history of Trijeminal Neuralgia and also has an aneurysm sitting right on the jaw) When he got to the hospital he told them he was just saying that to get out and is now refusing to go back. The ER doctor told me that he had a little bacteria in his urine so they were going to send him back with abx but then I found out he was admitted. The nurse literally told me today that the VA is very lenient on admitting people who refuse to go back to the facility. Now there is a case worker and a social worker involved. He is back to telling people that I stole his house and his car (not true but his go to fib for attention) so I am sitting here petrified that I am going to have to go through another investigation.
How common is it for a hospital to NOT send a dementia patient back to the facility just because they dont want to go? I am VERY surprised about this as it is very evident that he has dementia. Could they possibly NOT send him back and require that I bring him home? I am terrified as he has wrecked havoc in the lives of me and my family for the last few years.
Social worker from VA reached out as did the doctor seeing him. Apparently his biggest issue is that he does not want to be in a facility which is not realistic at this point. He went back and forth about his accusations re me and they all recognized that these are the same things he has said and recounted numerous times in the past so no need for further investigation. He had mental health, psych, PT, OT evals and they all agreed he is where he needs to be. He even asked to see me to explain why he did all this, but I politely declined as I need some space from all of this. After days of just hanging out at the VA (I was told by several nurses and case workers that the VA is sometimes too lenient in letting patients just stay there if they want to as they are not regulated like other hospitals) they finally decided there was nothing else to do and sent him back to his facility last night.
The head nurse sent me a message that he was eating dinner with his friends and acting like nothing had ever happened.
I am scheduled for a full rotator cuff repair and open bicep tenodesis in May so once I am recovered I plan to see an Elder law attorney to determine my best move forward.
I want to thank all of you who gave me good things to consider and I appreciate having a place where I can come to get others opinions even if SOME arent that nice.
I agree with everyone here who says to sell the home and get your share out of it.
Dementia clients will make up stories and have all types of investigations and false reports going on with the family member who is trying to hold everything together. People actually believe ths bs! Save yourself and your family.
Fast forward, this older sister is now in a nursing home setting. At first, she was calling the ambulance to take her to the emergency room at the hospital. She had her poor daughter who held the POA in a constant uproar with worry. I told my niece to give up the POA a few years ago. The daughter died a week ago from a heart attack. Apparently, she and her mother had a horrible argument.
It's a scary thought.
However, based on what you've written in the past and your reply to the first comment here, the house could be a potential issue. Since both you and he are on the deed, I suggest you sell the house and use your share toward a new one for yourself and your family, while putting your grandfather's in an account to be used to pay for his care. Definitely see a lawyer about how to do this properly and how to split the money from the equity, plus any tax effects. (It may not be as simple as splitting 50/50.) Likewise, sell his car and put the money into his account.
After all of the stress your family has been through living with him there, it would be a good fresh start for you. More importantly, it eliminates the ability for him to claim he needs to go to his home when there is no home anymore. And it removes the appearance that you are taking advantage of him by living in "his" house while not letting him stay there.
I know you did this all with the best intentions and have worked hard at caregiving but you need to protect yourself from the appearance of impropriety. Whenever he passes away, you may have some of the estranged relatives reappearing with the hope of an inheritance, and they could raise questions also. Now it may be that none of this will happen and none of it is a problem, but I suggest doing a one-hour consultation with an Elder Law attorney to sort this out to prevent any problems going forward.
at MC. This is a nightmare scenario for a lot of people so please let us know what happens.
I'm not sure why you're petrified about an investigation as to how or why you are living in his house, and not him. It sounds like you have put yourself in this position.
If your grandpa has been diagnosed with any dementia and has previously assigned you as his POA, then you have the power to manage what happens to his property and have him placed in an assisted living or memory care home.
If not, then it sounds like you have taken over his home and don't want him living there. Did he sell the house to you? Sign a quit claim deed? If he has not transferred it to you legally, then there probably should be an investigation.
If it's his house, he has every right to live there.
He will need to see neurologist for a Dementia diagnosis.