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My brother is 65 years old, has nowhere to live, no one else to take care of him, and gets Social Security benefits. He has no money to go to an assisted living facility and may not even qualify because he could still do daily activities like dressing himself, showering, and fixing a sandwich or simple meals. However, he has been continually verbally abusive when he gets upset, and otherwise he’s peaceful. What I’m concerned about most is the physical abuse where he literally punched me in the face with a closed fist and knocked me out. He had been drinking, but that’s still no excuse and he has no remorse. He’s told me twice that I deserved it. He was abusive to me as a child and as a teenager. He’s unappreciative of the care. I give him the sacrifices I make for him. I lost my job because I had to spend quite a bit of time with him in the hospital and rehab last year for multiple mini-strokes. I’m at my wit's end, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t live with them anymore. I take medication for depression, anxiety, and mild PTSD and my mental health is suffering. I’m getting regular therapy, but I live with extreme anxiety every day and can’t take it anymore.

No way you should be providing any care for someone who’s abusive, no matter the relationship or the circumstances. No one deserves abuse, ever. Walk away and don’t look back. Report brother to APS and let others provide for his care. Build a life with people who bring good things to you. Never again feel you “have to” anything. I wish you healing and peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Things need to change. For safety's sake.

"My brother is 65 years old, has no where to live, no one else to take care of him"

"My brother is 65 years old" FACT

"Has no where to live"
This is a statement about now.
The future can be CHANGED.
An Aged Care Council service can assit him with his options.

"no one else to take care of him"
UNTRUE.
Think about this.
A correction would be I am his only sibling. Or I am his only sister.

If he was an only child, what then?

Ask yourself if you have thoughts like *Family only must provide the care*.

You are the only solution - until you stand back a bit & let others in.

(I don't mean literally, like people lined up at the front door waiting to help. I mean letting people into your world, speaking up to - Doctors, Police, EMS, hopsital staff if an ER admission, Social Workers, APS).

Please don't let fear of change stop you from making yourself SAFER.
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Reply to Beatty
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Apparently you must feel you deserve the abuse since you never called the police when your brother hit you and knocked you out or any other time he abused you. And that is so very sad. Because you don't deserve to be abused. No one does.
And no one that was abused or is being abused in any way should take on the care of the abuser.
You didn't fill out your profile so we don't know who else you live with, but I would say that if brother is in your home he needs to get the hell out even if you have to have him evicted, and if money is an issue he can apply for Medicaid. And if you're in his home or someone else's, then you need to get a job and move out, as far away from the dysfunction as possible.
Even if you had to temporarily go to a woman's shelter, that would certainly be better than living with a madman.
But you have to decide for yourself when enough is enough and I hope that it won't be after he's severely injured you or worse yet killed you.
Obviously the therapist you have now is not doing there job since your brother is still living with you, so I would recommend finding a new one that will speak the hard truth to you, and not sugar coat things.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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With next physical abuse have brother transported to the ER.
Inform them in the ER that you cannot take care of brother and he cannot safely return home without care.

It is important that, as a new member with questions you fill out your profile for us.
For instance, do you live with you brother
or
does your brother live with you?
Are you POA for your brother? Guardian?

If it is the former then you can move out, letting APS know brother's diagnosis, that he may not be safe alone, and that he needs assessment and possible placement; that you cannot deal with his FTD and do not wish to act for him as either POA or Guardian. I caution you against attempting management as POA or Guardian for a non-cooperative or combative person.

Not everything can be fixed. I know that you will understand that if you brother had NO FAMILY at all the state would be managing his care.
And that is what must happen now. The state must manage his care and you must get on with your own life. There is nothing to be done but keep brother safe until his passing and that will require an entire team and several shifts of caregivers, not a single sister who is helpless and being abused.

I am so sorry. If EMS will not take your brother, leave the premises and call APS to intervene in this abusive and out of control situation. I wish you the best and hope you'll update. Do understand that once the State takes on management you will have little to say about management of care and assets. Best to you. There's little you can do now but visit and get on with your life.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Ewhitney, I’m so sorry this is happening. Besides reporting your brother’s violent behavior to the authorities and doing whatever is necessary to remove him from your home, I think you need to reach out to the doctor or therapist who prescribes your medications for PTSD and the other issues. I don’t see how you can possibly hope to recover from post traumatic stress disorder while living with an unpredictable, violent, abusive drunk with dementia. Does your therapist know what’s been going on?
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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funkygrandma59 Sep 21, 2024
EXACTLY!
(1)
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Who is the “them” you can’t live with . “I can’t live with them anymore”

Who else is involved? Are you living in your own home or someone else’s home?
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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I would have gotten a restraining order on the jerk the day he hit me in the face. That is a serious crime. Let the County jail find him a place to live.

Find a battered women's shelter and they will be glad to help you do a restraining order, it's not hard at all. Get another job, or move into a rental room in someone's home. Or stay with a friend if possible. You will get off your feet quickly and be free from your lifelong abuser! Now he gets tenant law protection, unless you evict him, which takes 30 days. He assaulted you and deserves nothing but a pair of handcuffs.

You owe your physically violent and abusive brother NOTHING. Get him out and reboot your life! Not pressing charges against him for assault tells him you will take his abuse. You have been abused your entire life by this jerk.

A Judge will grant the order temporarily (2 weeks), and the police will come take him out. Then in 2 weeks you go to Court to get it finalized for years. Doesn't matter if he has health issues, the Judge will deal with him.

Find a shelter and they will help you! I did this in 1994, and got my life back quickly. I was scared to death, so I know you can do this. Save your own life!

If you don't, you will be another murder statistic. I will pray for you.
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Reply to Dawn88
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To be perfectly honest, I would tell him Medicare needs him to go for a checkup to take him to the ER. And once there I would tell them that he’s an imminent threat in that he’s saying he will punch you again like immediately. Embellish. Whatever to get him a 72 hour psych hold. The hospital social worker should be told he’s an unsafe discharge to you and you want nothing to do with him.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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