My dad is 85 with Parkinsons and some dementia (or maybe it's the medication side effects or maybe it's lifelong mental health issues). He's definitely in stage 5. His younger brother, who he loved like no one else, just had a massive stroke and is unconscious. He will be devastated when he finds out. I'm actually scared he'll have a heart attack (he's already had one). So for some reason, my mom, sister and I haven't told him. He has a good memory. And people visit him. So we have to tell him something at some point. What do we say? His brother is not concious, although that could change.
If his condition doesn't improve and you can't trust that a visiting family member will keep it quiet, you probably have to tell him. Is there any way to stall that until it becomes clearer if the brother will improve? Seems like it would be much easier if his brother were on the mend already by the time you tell him.
Help your Dad video a message to him. Make sure to play it for his brother, then reassure your Dad that it was played and he heard it. On subsequent visits, if your Dad doesn't ask about his brother, don't bring it up.
If your Dad has not asked about him recently then I personally wouldn't bring it up if you really think it would be too hard on him mentally and emotionally. People with dementia are losing the ability to process complex emotions and have a hard time bringing their minds to a place of peace and acceptance. This is why meds would be helpful. Failing memory means the bad news may have to be "reexplained" to him. You and your family will be best able to gauge his ability and how to deal with it.
Is your dad on antidepressants or anything.
I'm thinking maybe talk to the doctor before he is told and maybe the doctor can prescribe something for him to take. Like a Xanax or Valium, I'm not sure what the prescribe older people, thinking some sort of benzo family that works fast.
I'm very sorry 😔
See how he takes that information.
If he handles it well then tomorrow get an "update" and then give him more information.
If he has a good memory and people visit him he will eventually find out what is going on.