A temporary situation looks like it may be long term. My 90 year old mother was supposed to go live with her sister, then her sister suffered a stroke and my mother is now living with us. I had to remove her from her home because she could no longer live on her own. She is ok for a few hours at a time, but her vision is bad, she gets confused, so I cannot leave her for more than an hour or two. I am becoming very resentful, and feel like I am a prisoner in my own home. I am 70 and up to this point was an avid golfer and enjoyed being outside. I have multiple myeloma (cancer) and although doing well, I want to be able to enjoy what time I have left. Putting her in Assisted Living is really not an option, she has two small dogs and taking those away from her would be devastating. We have three dogs of our own. I guess I could look into having someone come into our home, but basically they would just be sitting around. I hate feeling resentful, but it is stressing me out. I have a sister, but she lives 12 hours away and has health issues of her own. My husband is still working fulltime and although a great help, cannot be a caregiver. Any advice would be welcomed.
The facilities here allow volunteers to bring animals for the residents to enjoy spending time with. They love their furry friends!
If an assisted living facility isn’t an option please look into private or agency caregivers so you can have time for yourself.
I made the decision long ago that no elders would be living in my home, and I've stuck to my guns. I saw how it wrecked all the relationships in our home to have my grandmother living with us when I was a child, and vowed to never repeat that fiasco as an adult in my own home.
If you hire a caregiver to come into your home, your mother would be paying for it, number 1. Number 2, that person wouldn't be 'sitting around' but would be doing light housekeeping and tending to your mother's needs. Which would allow YOU to get OUT of the house and go golfing or do something you'd like to do. Whatever the cost, it's cheap at the price, and should be done on a regular basis several times a week at a bare minimum if you refuse to get her into Assisted Living.
Wishing you the best of luck coming up with a plan to make YOUR life more enjoyable and less resentful
hug!! :)
dear nerees,
sending you hugs too!! :)
i just want to say, that 1 problem we’ve run into with caregivers is stealing. this means we can’t leave the caregivers alone in the house.
we don’t have cameras in the house. that might be a solution for some people.
we have several rooms.
without permission, caregivers go into other rooms, when we’re at an angle where it’s hard to see what they’re doing. medical equipment has gone missing daily (they take extra gloves, etc.).
they often open drawers, to check for valuables.
we changed caregivers many times. it’s happened with almost every caregiver.
one caregiver stole new clothes.
it’s not easy. if you can find competent and honest home caregivers, good!
courage and strength!!
bundle of joy :)
Get caregiver assistance; go to counseling; ask your mother lots of questions and record her because, if she was a good mother, you would want to share these memories.
Just curious and u don't have to answer...but since Mom is 90 her sister must be up there too? Who thought that she could care for ur mother?
You matter, too.
As you know MM is a hard diagnosis. It can limit the time YOU have left on this earth. Should you be a prisoner in your home because of dogs?
AL can provide things that may fill in that empty spot that the dogs leave. Friends. Activities. Neither of which YOU have time for now, as a prisoner in your home.
Your mom has lived her life. She could live another 10 years. Do those 10 years have to be lived as a captive?
Stress kills. Some caregivers die before their loved ones.
Consider placement. Then, you can enjoy your life, and go back to being a daughter, and a visitor to your Mom.
Best wishes to you.
If mom has the funds to pay for AL, getting a Senior Housing Advisor or registering with a place like A Place For Mom can be a good way to get someone else to do the legwork to find places that will accept animals.