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Sounds like from your reply mom is losing some reasoning skills. It’s kind of you to want to accommodate her, but it also needs limits for you. You’re a care giver, not a short order cook, no sense in constantly trying to find what food she’s in the mood to eat. Offer what you think she’d enjoy, if it’s rejected make an easy snack available near her and get on with your day. The appeasing will soon exhaust you and the budget both.
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Cally2024 Sep 18, 2024
Ohh believe me I know I feel that short order cook thing. She threatens to tell people I'm not giving her enough food and I'm being mean to her. I sit the snacks or fruit in by her she says she needs real food. That or she only wants to eat that candy they call old time Christmas candy. I cut het off of that and portion it out.
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I greatly appreciate the responses. Ive tried most if this. The fresh fruits only work when they're first bought after that she doesn't want them. Once they have spoiled says can we pick up some fruit. She lives with me (and can't walk on her own. She had a stroke 2 years ago. Fell broke her femur bone 1 yr ago) So She knows wether I'm cooking or not and she knows if she had it the day before. Her mind Is pretty good for the most part. She doesn't say outright she's not eating leftovers. She says she'll eat it later or tomorrow
So when give it to her she says she full or has all she wants of it then within 20min asks for something because she hungry. When i say why didn't you eat your food i brought you then she says it has no taste or doesn't like how it looks. Its triple frustrating when I make something just for her the way she likes it. No one else wants it. I try to accommodate her but we can't afford it for her to just waste it. Even when i make her small portions. I've explained that to her. My dad wasn't rich. We didn't go without but she didn't let us waste as kids. She didn't grow up rich either. Right now we don't have much freezer space. But I'm not making a bunch expecting her to eat it for a week or anything. When I straight call her out about it she says I don't eat things I don't want to.
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I would prepare very small amounts. I think that the appetite leaves. There is much craziness around the broken brain and food. I doubt mom is fully competent now. If she is, that eases the answer here: you prepare food, she choose whether she will eat it now or later or not at all. If, however, she no longer has a fully competent mind I think Geaton has some great ideas for you.
Have healthy fruits around, even dried fruits, and yogurt.
Remember, the appetite usually lessens and the need for sleep becomes more. That's aging.
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Today's Menu;

Take it or Leave it!
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Cally2024 Sep 18, 2024
She does threaten to tell people I'm not giving her enough food and I'm being mean to her. I'm not being mean to her. I don't want to get into trouble just because I can't be her food gopher and can't afford for her waste
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I agree that you give her a choice and after that, she can access whatever "easy" food is available, or snacks - nothing that requires even microwaving. My MIL and SFIL used to have apple slices and popcorn for dinner every Sunday night. Now you can buy popped popcorn in bags at the grocery store. Yogurt, etc. At 84 I wouldn't fret about "nutritious" meals for her too much. I used to tell my family "The kitchen is closed!", meaning I'm done helping you find, prep or cook food. Then walk out of the kitchen and get on with the rest of your day.
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Sounds like you live with your mother or she does with you, but either way, since it's up to you to provide food for her, just give her 2 food choices(that you yourself would like since you'll be preparing it and hopefully eating it too)like would you rather have a hamburger and small salad or piece of baked chicken with mac n cheese for supper/lunch?
If she says neither, then you tell her that those are her ONLY 2 choices and if she doesn't want those she'll just have to have a bowl of cereal. When she gets hungry enough she'll take one of the 2 choices given to her.
As long as you continue to give in to her whims, she'll continue to take advantage of you, so put a stop to it today, as someone has to be the adult in this situation.
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MargaretMcKen Sep 14, 2024
I'd forget the 'two choices'. My kids got 'dinner', not a choice. I've never heard of a family meal where there were two options, though with serving dishes it's always possible to 'skip the rhubarb' if you don't like it.
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I think you should feel lucky that your mom still has enough of an appetite to ask for food. Since at some point she won't.

As someone else suggested, get her whatever she wants but only dish out a small portion of it. If she eats it all, then give her more. If she doesn't, keep it in the fridge and give it to her the next time she asks or eat it yourself. You don't have to let her know it's leftovers. Just tell her you just got it.
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sp196902 Sep 14, 2024
"I think you should feel lucky that your mom still has enough of an appetite to ask for food. Since at some point she won't."

Lucky is not how I would describe it. More like frustrating and annoying and irritating. I can't believe OP has been catering to her mother for 2 years. That's a long time to continue being a slave to her mother over eating 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
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'Wasting food' usually means leaving dished food on the plate. If you use serving dishes, and only put a small spoonful at a time on her plate, she can't 'waste' so much. What's left in the serving dishes is clean, untouched, and can be dished up next time. It's not 'left-overs', it's what's available. You aren't running a short order cook shop. Don't produce food you know she dislikes, but forget the 'special requests'.

I've been doing this for 30 years, with children and adults. It saves a lot of food and a lot of annoyance.
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Cally2024 Sep 18, 2024
I don't give her food she dislikes and I already give her appropriate portions
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Watch the Bugs Bunny cartoon, "Shiskabugs".
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Peasuep Sep 13, 2024
I know this is not a laughing matter to Cally but omg cover, you made my night!
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Cally, does your mom live with you? And how would she know if something is ‘left-over’? Can you pack her refused food up and freeze it until the next time she asks for it?

Better yet, maybe give her a nightly menu with one simple option, for instance,
Tonight’s menu:
(Whatever you’ve planned for your family), or
Grilled cheese and tomato soup
Period.
You can dress it up however you want, i.e. Four cheese panini with tomato basil bisque!
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Beatty Sep 14, 2024
Your meal or the ONE alternative: bread and water.

My Grandparents cure-all for fussy eaters.
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