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My 93 year old mother has been imagining hearing music 24/7 from the unit next door. Some nights she sleeps on couch to try and avoid hearing it. She now imagines there is an old couple living in garden next door who watch her and talk about her all the time. This seems to be some kind of hallucinating. Aside from this she is very capable to look after herself with ability to cook, clean and shower. We are really confused as to what is the best option for her. She is not open to going into care but she has called police on 3 occassions with concerns about other hallucinations. I am the POA for her.

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You put this question under the Alzheimer's and dementia category, and then go on to describe your 93 y/o mother having hallucinations and calling the police on 3 occasions due to hallucinations. You then say she is 'capable to look after herself' which isn't at all true, given that she is having hallucinations and calling the police! Any elder who's progressed THIS far with dementia needs in-home help at the very least to insure they do not burn the house down, ingest chemicals or wander off in search of their 'home' which is common for them to do. If you wait for a crisis to happen before either getting her in home care or placing her in a Memory Care ALF, then the decision TO be placed will be taken away from her by the hospital or the rehab she goes to afterward. A hospital or rehab SNF will not release an elder back to living alone who's hallucinating and suffering from Alz/dementia b/c it's not safe to do so.

Please intervene on your mom's behalf to either get her in home help or find her a good Memory Care ALF to live in moving forward. I used to care for a gentleman with dementia who's family felt it was best for him to live at home. Until he wandered out in the middle of the night looking for 'his home' and fell in the street; he suffered a subdural hematoma and died the next day in the hospital.

Best of luck
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Apart from the hallucinations, you say, your mother is very capable. And she's 93.

If she were 73, or 53, or 33, and having hallucinations, wouldn't the first question be: what is causing the hallucinations? Is there any other reason why you think your mother needs to be in residential care? How long has the problem been going on?
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First, I would discount that she has a UTI, which can cause sudden or rapid cognitive changes, including delusions and confusion. This warrants a trip to Urgent Care or the ER.

Next, have you reviewed your PoA documents to see what is necessary to activate your authority? Is it a Durable PoA (where it is active right away) or Springing (where she needs 1 or more diagnosis of incapacity by doctors)?

Once you know she is clear of a UTI and your PoA is active, you can do what works for the BOTH of you, i.e. her future care arrangement is not just her decisions anymore since you'll be tied to it. So, it cannot be onerous. If she is calling the police, and who knows what else, then she is best transitioned into a facility. You can tell her a "therapeutic fib" that it's temporary until the "problem" (whatever you want to tell her) with her condo is "fixed". Don't spend too much time trying to reason with her and waiting for buy-in. You will exhaust yourself.

In the meantime I would contact her doctor regarding the hallucinations (if no UTI) to see if there's medication that would address this. Many others on this forum have more direct experience with this and will give suggestions. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart!
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