My mother is starting to make end of life decisions as to how she wants things done. She has 5 children living and one sibling (the one she lives with) feels that all of her children should "chip in" and pay for cremation services and monument costs. How are final costs usually handled? My mother has no life insurance, however does have savings to cover costs needed to pre-plan her wishes. Not all children are able to contribute to these costs, WWIII is about to break out over this situation, HELP!
You can contact the funeral home and ask about prepayment. I did this with my father because if he had needed a nursing home, they would not have left enough money to cover the final expenses. Thankfully it never came to that and 7 years later he passed on and everything was covered, exactly as planned.
Taking care of an elder can be expensive. Even something as simple as Depend garments can wipe out a well thought of budget. Eye glasses, and hearing aids are out of pocket expenses. Those are very expensive.
Special food items, such as Boost or Ensure is expensive. There are co-pays when it comes to doctor appointments, and believe me, elders have a lot of doctors, and co-pays on prescription medicine. New clothing as clothes do not last long with stains that are hard to get out. Plus changes in weight. Shoes are expensive.
Did your brother need to make changes to his house which would help Mom? Like putting up grab bars in the bathroom, put in a higher toilet, change the shower spray to a hand-held spray, and purchase a shower bench or chair? Did Mom need a lift-recliner? How about a rolling walker?
My own Dad had Agency caregivers, 3 shifts per day, and that was costing him $20k per month, yes per month, so having your brother be your Mom caregiver has saved the family a lot of money at this point. Then there is no telling what would happen later on. Mom might need extra care at home, or need to go onto Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] and be moved to a skilled nursing facility.
I assume Mom is still clear minded since your profile mentioned age related issues, then she can do what she wants with her money. It's not easy to direct a parent to talk about buying a grave plot or columbarium drawer.
You're talking about 7-8K per year that's been spent, correct?
Cremation her costs $2300. Some cemeteries will allow an urn to be buried on a passed relatives plot. You pay to have the hole dug. If no viewing or service that is pretty much the cost. A lot of families have a Memorial service when an important date comes up. In my Mils case, it was their wedding anniversary. A nice luncheon was held by a friend.
If Mom has the money, then I agree, no reason she can't prepay her cremation.
This presumes that Mom has a will. If she doesn’t, she needs to get one. Stat.
The sister who lives with Mom seems to have a queen bee complex. Can’t imagine where Sis got her idea about Mom’s adult children picking up the tab no matter what — or why Sis thinks that’s appropriate.
In a perfect world (LOL) there are assets/life insurance/prepaid burial plans to take care of these things. But (as we all know)life isn't perfect. When my friend's Mom passed there literally was less than $30 in assets. NONE of the kids had financial resources to pay for the funeral. So the funeral home took all 5 kid's credit cards, divided the bill by 5 and it all got charged equally.
Lesson here for all of us.
When my Mom passed, it was my Dad who paid for everything. My parents had a family plot where 5 generations were buried. When my Dad passed, it was his estate that paid for his funeral. Otherwise, I would have needed to pay being an only child.
I realize not everyone leaves an estate where money can be pulled for such cost. When that happens, either everyone chips in as much as they can... with cremation one doesn't need to purchase a plot or metal drawer, the ashes can be spread at Mom's favorite place. That's what I want for myself.
unassuming gravemarker. To this day, I don’t know what the heck my parents paid for all those years. Neither had funerals or memorial services. They did have plots, though, for which I am grateful. That would have been another $5,000. There was no inheritance and the cost all fell on us. We’re still dealing with the repercussions.
Make sure you know exactly what to expect when she passes. Get a copy of any pre-planning paperwork and memorize it, especially the fine print. I am an only lonely and couldn’t possibly shirk the responsibility I felt for my mother’s final wishes. But, my mom would be incensed if she knew how her careful preplanning all turned out and how much it cost us.
It, therefore, is up to HER to pay for her last arrangements. There is nothing I know of, legally or otherwise, that says that her children have to pay for the cremation and internment. One of you should have access to the money in her account upon her death to pay the expenses.
If she has the money, but she wants the kids to "chip in", what would she then be doing with her money? Is she planning to give it to someone and needs to know that all her children will financially take care of her death?
This sounds fishy to me. "NO" should be the answer to your mother. That is her obligation to pay for her own arrangements. Then make sure you all have your rifles ready 'cause here comes WW3.
If possible, mom should pre-pay her final expenses. She can go to a funeral home and arrange that. Does she have a plot? Or a plan for her cremation, and remains?
My parents preplannex and prepaid their funeral arrangements. There were some additional expenses that were paid out of a checking account that was joint with POA sibling, so not frozen upon death.