My parents, both in their 70s, or experiencing a transition, that’s probably really common for Boomer couples. My dad, who managed their finances for decade, is cognitively declining. Management of household finances cannot be his job anymore. While my mom is of sound health, she is not experienced with finance management, she’s not the most tech savvy, and she is feeling overwhelmed by the segue. So, my siblings and I are trying to figure out how to set up a new finance management system that allows for her to be in the driver’s seat while also allowing for us to step in and help her out as needed.
Since our parents already have a trusted tax accountant and financial planner, both of whom we’ve met and know, the main elements we’re focusing on right now are credit cards and bank accounts. Getting our mom set up with easier access to both is the simple part, but where I’m stuck is how my siblings and I can also get some level of access (even if it’s just read-only) without taking on the credit exposure and liability of becoming authorized users.
We do have POA and wills set up, and I’m second in line for POA after my parents. Invoking it now, to gain access to accounts for the sake of helping my mom manage things and learn the ropes, seems premature and disproportionate to where we are. The scenario I’m predicting is that somewhere down the road, my mom needs help navigating some element of a credit card or bank user portal, or instigating something through either. I would like to be able to help her with this remotely, without having jump through a million hoops. So I’m wondering if any of you might have advice on steps to take, in making this possible?
My mom was completely overwhelmed and insisted that I take over. Once he was diagnosed with dementia, I had to get him declared incompetent so that he was blocked from accessing his retirement accounts. This was a multi step process and every institution wanted separate forms. But, even with these letters confirming he had dementia, social security and pension required that their deposits still had to be made to an account with his name on it. So I set up two checking accounts. One with his name + my name. His deposits went in there and were set up to automatically transfer to her account, minus a small amount I left him for spending money using a debit card only. Her account is in her name + my name. I put all her recurring bills on autopay.
We canceled all their joint credit cards using the letter from the neurologist stating he was incompetent, and set up two new credit cards in her name + my name. I originally tried for her name only, but she had no credit history under her own name despite her being a signatory on his cards for more than 50 years. They would only offer her like a $500 limit under under her own name only. So we made them her name + my name. So, now I can log in and see all her various accounts and the credit card balances.
He was very angry about all this and tried to work around us. But he also went downhill fast and ended up passing away in 2024.
She can still write checks too, and I set her up with Venmo for grandkids birthday money but she’s not really keen on it.
You should ask mom if she'd like you to take over her finances? My father always did everything, but reached the point where a brain tumor prevented him from doing so. My mother was 100% unfamiliar with finances of any kind, so she was thrilled when I took over. Dad handed me an accordion file of everything, and said thank you.