My mom has dementia. I am her caregiver. She has lived with me for over a year. Today, out of the blue at her doctor appointment she made me leave the room then told the doctor I withhold food from her. I have never skipped a meal for her. She has been in good health this whole year. I was questioned by her doctor about this. I told him this is not true. He said he can tell she is eating because she is healthy. Now he is obligated to send someone out to question me. I am very upset by all this. Mom doesn't remember saying anything to her doctor nor does she remember asking me to leave room so she could talk. This came out of left field. We always get along. There has been nothing but love and understanding and excellent care given to her. I know it's her dementia and I dont fault her for this. It just is a horrible and sad experience both she and I went through today. Any words of support are welcome. Thank you.
As in the case with your mom, these remarks came seeming from out of the blue. As we all know, there is no way to “reason” with a person with dementia because “reason” has left the building. We certainly cannot ask our LO “why?” or “what?” prompted the thought, nor would it matter—even if we got an answer, what would be the point?
At times like these, after a few deep breaths, I find it helpful to remind myself that the brain of a person with dementia works differently than ours. Logic, and reason are gone. Judgement is poor. Confabulation and lying is common—imagination can run amok with paranoia and we know all about how tricky memory can be. So is it any surprise at all confusion reigns? And that, we, as beloved caregivers, end up as the targets for most outrageous comments?
The most we can do is protect ourselves emotionally as fiercely as we should be doing physically. I mentally bite my tongue so I won’t lash out verbally in return and/or walk away to cool down, if I need to. Call a friend with a sympathetic ear. Take a break.
Do what you need to get past it! The upside is: your LO will probably forget all about what she said, long before you do. No need to carry it with you!
I hope my words bring you some comfort. Prayers go with them!
APS workers are very experienced with investigating things like this. It will not take them very long to realize your mom is compromised and an investigation will go nowhere.
As for feeding Mom, can you try “grazing”? Give her a half sandwich, say, and then when she asks for more, give her the other half.