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My MIL has been living with us that last 2 years. For someone with dementia is it a common thing that they mess with just one persons' things? She will fill my shampoo/body wash with water, she does things to my tooth brush, she will take my laundry out of the washer and throw on the cement floor or take and hide just my stuff. She does not do this with my husbands or kids belongings. Is this part of the dementia?
We have never had a great relationship and I feel this is not her dementia, but she is using it as an excuse.

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MIL is clearly spiteful and manipulative towards YOU. How does she manage to create such activities? Are you at work, or elsewhere in the house when she does these things? Do you call her out on it when you find the mess or discover it? Or just pick it up and continue your chores?

I'd be tempted to go in to her belongs and do the same! I wouldn't wash her clothes anymore, and definitely put a keyed lock on your bathroom door. That would stop the tampering, watering down your soap and playing with your toothbrush.

2 years is long enough! Your husband needs to get a spine and have her placed. This is very unfair to you to have to deal with MIL's spiteful manipulation! She could poison your toothbrush and possibly get you very sick. Meanwhile, I would get a new bathroom lockset (requiring a KEY) and get hubby to install it.

That will prevent most of her behaviors. MIL will be temporarily conquered, but will find another way to tamper with your things until she is out of your home.
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Reply to Dawn88
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It could be that she is doing this to spite you, even with dementia. I was a care aide and we had a patient that wouldn't speak to her granddaughter in law, because the patient thought her grandson was her husband, and the GDIL was the other woman. If the patient even heard the GDILS voice in the hallway, she would flinch and go silent and glare in that general direction. And this woman was so far gone in Alzheimer's, she'd forgotten how to walk!
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Reply to Hirilain
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Talk to your husband about placing her in a facility. Two years is a long time for you to have someone you never had a great relationship with disrupting your home, and it sounds like her behavior is escalating.
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Reply to MG8522
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It might be. Have a talk with her doctor. You might want to think about having her placed in a care home.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I'm very sorry. Those are horrible things, but it made me laugh - just because it is so crazy! Wow. She really does not like you. Or at least, her dementia brain sees you as a threat, perhaps to her relationship with her son. In her warped mind, she might see you as "the other woman".

I would definitely keep her from accessing any of your things. Find a way to secure your personal items, like the toothbrush - who knows what she's doing with that?!

Yes, dementia makes people do crazy things. Everyone is different and the behaviors they take on are always so unexpected. But, I don't think it's typical for a dementia patient to pick on just one person and do horrible things with just your stuff. I truly think she is just confused about her relationship with her son and sees you as a threat to that, and the dementia is causing her to act out badly with no impulse control.

Keep your things out of her reach, just as you would a curious, mischievous toddler. You will have to watch her as you would watch a toddler. She could do something even more harmful to you or herself.

Good luck with that.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Locks on doors. I used baby safety doorknob things to keep Mom out of certain places. Its been said by putting a black rug in front of a doorway, they think its a hole and won't step over it. Putting a window drape over a door, its now a window.

You are going to need to keep your eyes on her. Its like having a toddler. I have a split level so my Mom was in the bottom level where she had her own bath. I put a baby gate across the door so she would not wander. There was a back door to get her easily out of the house and a little patio where she could sit.

You may want to consider placing her if she has the money. Don't know how you can raise kids and keep an eye on her 24/7. I was babysitting my 20 month old grandson when I had to take Mom in. My daughter had to put him in Daycare.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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There’s no logic in what a brain riddled with dementia might cause a person to do. You can always run this behavior past her doctor to see if there’s any input or suggestions. It sounds exhausting trying to constantly stay ahead of this, I hope you’re getting some breaks and have regular help
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Assuming she is diagnosed with dementia and it's not just a personal, passive-aggressive vendetta, yes. My own Mom is sweet as pie to many other family and neighbors but she has a suspicion against me and a full-on resentment/hatred of my cousin (her neice) who she ironically used to worship but then was insulted once when this neice wouldn't let her drive (at my request) when she was visiting her years ago. This incident stuck in her brain and she forgot all the other wonderful times and things with this neice.

It's a function of her broken brain, paranoia, insecurity, memory impairment, etc. Avoid confronting her about it. With her broken brain now you are the only one who can change or adjust. Obviously stop leaving out anything she might have easy access to. Read some of the comments on this thread to know how common an issue it is:

https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/grossed-out-and-need-to-vent-just-caught-mom-using-my-toothbrush-to-comb-her-hair-138180.htm
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Reply to Geaton777
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