Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Dear Nauseated, it is true that it is nice to people we can chat with. Everytime the phone rings I jump. I feel at times I am going crazy and am the only feeling like I do. But I know there are others like us, who go day to day, hoping and praying things may get better. Thw illnwss is very hard to understand and there no one out there can answer all our questions. they just try and change the medicine and see what happens. But here we are just watching and saying to ourself why did this have to happen. Bless you all out there who take care of someone out of love.
Dear Naus, I can relate to your post! I figured Mom had Dementia, and several thought she did. Upon some recovery and a medication change, they all recanted. I was not so sure, trying to figure it all out. To be told it's a Serious Personality Disorder helped me understand the confusion I'd felt all my life, often questioning my own sanity. So you have felt the same? I read The Long Goodbye, and many more books on the subject in order to understand my Dad. Now I'm reading about PDs. A very interesting subject, but no clear guidelines...since it's different for everyone, and there are so many facets. Add to that Cancer and Depression, and the whole picture is bleak and our task daunting; sometimes overwhelming. I am thankful for some medical backing, though. My parents always told me I was the problem, but Mom is still the same, and I have been set free.
Patricia, thanks for contributing. I wish it were "just" Alzheimer's. My Dad has it, and I've come to know it well. But my Mom doesn't fit that mold at all. I tried to go that route, but she passes all the tests with flying colors. But in the mental health arena, she "rings every bell," according to her Clinicians and Physician. So let the games begin...
Much luck to you in your journey with your Dad's Alzheimer's. I live it every day with mine, and the Dementia route with FIL. The 36 Hour Day helps, as well as many other resources and support groups. We are immersed in Caregiving, and it's not for sissies, is it? So sorry to hear about your stress, and accompanying medical problems. Will be praying for you. Take care, and thanks for posting.
Dear Patricia, you sound like a wonderful, caring daughter too. You are right about the dementia. It does not show to doctors, like it does to the family members who are with them on a daily basis. It sure is a tricky disease isn't it? I'm still asking myself everyday, is really alzheimer's/dementia, or am I losing MY mind? It is the hardest thing in the world to watch a parent decline, and lose social ability, and communication diminish. It is as they say, "The Long Goodbye". God Bless all of you angel caregivers, and take care of yourselves too.
Dear sisiter sisiter, When they told you mom my have a PERSONELITY DISODER they may have not know what is wrong with your mom. Yes there some test that are simple. I was lied to by the doctors in New York before I brought mom to Fl. But I did notice changes little by little. But no one would help until a demanded a special doctor to see her. If mom does have Alzheimer's/Demntia the illness does get worse but there are medicines that can be given if it is the early stages its better. my mom just had two test done. One was in May 2009 after leaving the hospital. And going back to the assisting living and another one when she fell and went back into the hospital in June 2009 and several doctors asked several test.Of course I was there her whole stay and I started to cry when the testing was done. One of the kind doctors stayed with me because he knew what I was going through, his grandfather was being treated and his dad is going through what I am. Yes the book THE-36 HOUR DAY DAY does help me and also the Alzhemer's Assocation is always there for me. No one person can give all the answer why this happens to some people. Mom never drank or smoked but she used to take pills. I was so younge I did not know what they were. They keep telling me there light at the end and I am a good person for being there for my mom 24/7 . But no what's to see there own parent fall apart in and forget things or say things or not remember there grandchildren or husband (DAD). She does know me at all times. I have not been to the assisting livinf in a week because my nerves acted up and I had chest pains. Its was related to stress. I do have a friend (neighbor) who works part time and she said mom change in medicine is working. I have a class today (support group) And I am going to see mom Fri. All I can say to you is take care of yourself, bless.Your words come over as a caring daughter. have a nice day .
I've been doing the research on Personality Disorders. Borderline didn't resonate, but Narcissistic Personality Disorder does. I am amazed by how much information there is about the subject. I thought it was Dementia, but couldn't get medical backing to agree, though one Doc recently said, "maybe." And I partially mistrusted my own observations, but no more! NPD is right on target for my Mom. My husband agrees, which is helpful. Perhaps a follow up with the Specialty Clinic will confirm, or with her Psychiatric referral. At least we're closer to understanding, and further from confusion, which made me "feel crazy," at times. I feel much stronger, and more confident about my suspicions and observations, now. Having the medical profession diagnose and support me has greatly relieved my doubt, which helps my own mental state and stress level. I've been looking for answers for so long, and am so grateful. While this doesn't change anything else, at least I can glean from the wealth of research done on the subject, and go from there.
They say Mom's complicated, because she has so much going on. She's had many surgeries, RLS, addictions, sleep problems, back and leg pain, headaches, poor circulation, and now Cancer. This journey has been difficult, and is predicted to become worse. Ye ha! But I've also been blessed with perseverance, a little rest, and a second wind of compassion, grace, and inner joy. So... Now I'm waiting for the next appointment, and curious about the next steps in the process. Should be interesting, at least.
Has anyone reading these posts tread this path before???
Austin, writing an obituary is tough duty. Thank God you have the help and support of our family through this time. Sometimes it's hard to accept help even from those who love us, but when we do, we are helping them. Your accepting help is part of closing the circle because of all the help you gave your husband. Carol
Secretsister thank you so much I had to write the obitutuary to take tomarrow and my son proff-read it for me so that is done and taking one step at a time and letting others help-I have been so independent all my life it is hard to let others help but am learning to let others assist a little at least for the time being.
walking on eggshells- that is it-I send blessings to anyone who's loved ones have it I wish I had had a name for it when it would have done me some good but at least I was listened to by our N.P. about bi-polor
Maybe it didn't take this long to diagnose her. Perhaps some saw it, but what could be done? Denial ran strong in our family, with Dad working 3 jobs, rarely home. Perhaps many, many were in denial, felt powerless, or both.
My sister and I unwittingly called Mom "crazy," little realizing the hidden meaning or truth, while doubting our own perceptions. But who could authenticate that? As children we weren't "allowed" a voice; often targeted as, "The Problem." (Translated: "If only we'd behave, then Mom wouldn't...")
When the Clinical Team, asked if she were angry: Mom denied it. I asked permission to state the blatently obvious answer. They listened as I replied that we never knew anything but anger around her. Mom defended herself, saying, "I was only angry because you MADE me that way..." (telling on herself). My husband thought this was classic, kind of laughing about it. I'm not laughing.
My Pastor related a recent event, when called to a jail to "help," someone in serious trouble. The man excused his behavior, saying he was Bipolar. Pastor said, "No, you're a Narcissist; you love YOU! As a selfish child you threw a tantrum until you got your way, and people gave in for expediency. Continuing on that path led to your incarceration as an adult. Adults have consequences, and that's why you're in jail. It's not a medical problem, but a sin problem." At what point does a oft-traveled path become an "organic" condition?
A team member from the Clinic called yesterday to ask how Mom was, and if we followed their recommendations. There are many appointments scheduled, and medications have been changed or discontinued; with a new one started. They say it's a long road ahead. I'm already fatigued.
Thanks for your input, ladies. We lived in Mom's "chameleon world" a long time. I'd say she's vindictive whenever she's threatened with not getting her way, or having her perceptions challenged. Her lying nails jello to the tree. And "difficult" is a polite euphemism for the unmanageable, isn't it?
I'm going to research the eggshell book. Will check out "Borderline Personalities" as well. Thanks for your thoughtful responses. I'm praying we can find resources needed to navigate these stormy waters.
Dealing with "difficult" people also requires strength and support. Prayer and concrete suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you, dear ladies!
I think this is a disorder that often goes diagnosed for years, as these people are just considered "difficult." Walking on egg shells is a perfect title for a book on the subject, as that's what people living with this in their home must do. Thanks for the great input. Carol
If you mean Borderline personality disorder I"m surprised it would have taken her this long to be diagnosed. BP's are chameleons - with chaotic lives. They lie. They are sugary sweet and charming to some, hateful to others. Its always drama and all about them. They fear abandonment and can be incredibly vindictive if they feel threatened
There is a good book called Walking on Eggshells and lots of info on the internet.
Best of luck I am sure that my husband had PD my therapist based on what I had told her said he did that is a whole another ball of wax and I do not think many docs know enough about it. I am back from the wedding and it was nice but could not wait to get home-it was a long trip up and back but had never gotten to that part of the state so that was fun- I did not have to drive except 20 miles to my brothers house and got to spend some quality time with my sister two of the days. I still feel like I am in a fog but it has not been three weeks yet-my cat was very upset but was cared for very well in my home and quickly forgave me and sticks like glue to me now.
A personality disorder is a very serious mental illness. If the diagnosis is correct ( it may not be), then only a qualified, board-certified experienced psychiatrist is able to work with your mother. Now there are sub classifications of this disorder. You must find out what exactly is her specific diagnosis. Ask for examples, both behavioral and language. Remember that attitude comes before behavior, just like a toothache comes before an abcess. If anyone you know has been diagosed with a personality disorder, do not try to engage them in a conversation or get them to do anything. You will regret it.
Thank you, Carol. I don't know why, but reading your encouragement brought tears to my eyes. (Perhaps it's the "long road ahead" part...) I thank God for his wisdom and grace; without which, I'd be lost. And thank you for your encouragement!
Yes, alcoholism and driug use likely made this worse. Also, abuse can cause its own form of dementia. I agree about the tests. They are only one little clue for some people. Your observations are much more valuable.
Antidepressants do have side effects, and it can get complicated as many people do well on one and worse on another. That said, they are often a good choice. It's just hard to find the right one and the right dosage.
You have a long road ahead. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
Carol, thank you for your thoughtful response. You clarified some things for me. As a daughter, it sometimes seems harder to be objective, but your reply gave me some direction for evaluating my observations. With Mom, I think we're dealing with lifelong behavioral problems, which we suspected, but were never quite able to define. She's been recently assessed by a Geriatric Specialty Clinic, involving a team of Doctor, Psychiatric Nurse, Social Worker and Pharmacist. They made the PD diagnosis (of unknown variety), and suggested further evaluation by a Psychiatrist. They discontinued medications they suspected were causing rebound symptoms. Rightly so, those symptoms have all but disappeared. Mom and I are thankful for that.
Furthermore, they agreed to my removing narcotics from Mom's repritoire as well. I received confirmation in writing that it was medically warranted, (and not just my doing...) so, again, I'm thankful for that. Her own astute referring Geriatrician suspects Mom has some Dementia, as well, (though she scored 30/30 on the regular scale). The Clinicians said just because she passed the memory test, doesn't mean much. I think it's a rather dumb test unless someone has obvious deficiencies, and then, it seems just to measure how far gone they are.
I was surprised at Mom's Depression diagnosis, and worried about them prescribing Zoloft, which tends toward side effects. I also wonder what others medications are used for people with a Personality Disorder, and if they help, and how.
Mom's diagnosis is a whole new way of thinking. I have to go back in my memories and reorganize my thoughts to fit in with, not just suspicions, but actual medical fact. That changes things!!! And it also helps me understand the egg shells we've been dancing around for so many years. I'm sure this will be a long process of adjustment. Now I better understand the fragile and volatile emotions we've all been experiencing for so long! In a sense, that's a relief, but the unknown is rather ominous in terms of, "What next?"
Just for today, I'm pleased to be exonerated of Mom's false accusations, and my own self-doubt, to some extent. I rest in the fact that God is guiding, and has answered some prayers in these matters. We still have many unanswered questions, but time will reveal more, I'm sure.
Carol, thank you for reminding me of the seriousness of this diagnosis. Lacking judgment for properly taking care of oneself often puts added burdens on their Caregivers. The Clinicians called her Personality Disorder "serious," as well. Never thought of it that way before. (Always thought Mom was just a little "loopy," or eccentric.) My sister and I jokingly called Mom a "sickie," but didn't know how accurate that was. I've blamed her alcohol and drug use for years. They certainly exacerbated the problems, but didn't fully explain them. Now, I curious to learn more about Personality Disorders, and what to expect. I was warned that Mom will become much worse. That's a scary prophesy. I've only just become Mom's Caregiver, and am already weary from it's requirements. It's a brave and demanding role. So thankful that God led me to this site for support and encouragement.
Can anyone who's been through similar waters offer helpful suggestions for navigating effectively and safely through the whirling dervishes? Prayer appreciated; thank you!
A "personality disorder" is a mental health issue, and a serious one. If there was a sudden change in her personality, it's possible dementia is involved and she then needs to see someone who will test her for that. If this isn't sudden, maybe the diagnosis is correct. They will likely try counseling and medication.
So, please ask yourself, how did change become evident to you? When did it start? If no dementia tests were given, I'd strongly suggest that those tests be done, including a PET scan. Medications would be different for the two diseases.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Patricia, thanks for contributing. I wish it were "just" Alzheimer's. My Dad has it, and I've come to know it well. But my Mom doesn't fit that mold at all. I tried to go that route, but she passes all the tests with flying colors. But in the mental health arena, she "rings every bell," according to her Clinicians and Physician. So let the games begin...
Much luck to you in your journey with your Dad's Alzheimer's. I live it every day with mine, and the Dementia route with FIL. The 36 Hour Day helps, as well as many other resources and support groups. We are immersed in Caregiving, and it's not for sissies, is it? So sorry to hear about your stress, and accompanying medical problems. Will be praying for you. Take care, and thanks for posting.
They say Mom's complicated, because she has so much going on. She's had many surgeries, RLS, addictions, sleep problems, back and leg pain, headaches, poor circulation, and now Cancer. This journey has been difficult, and is predicted to become worse. Ye ha! But I've also been blessed with perseverance, a little rest, and a second wind of compassion, grace, and inner joy. So... Now I'm waiting for the next appointment, and curious about the next steps in the process. Should be interesting, at least.
Has anyone reading these posts tread this path before???
Carol
Carol
My sister and I unwittingly called Mom "crazy," little realizing the hidden meaning or truth, while doubting our own perceptions. But who could authenticate that? As children we weren't "allowed" a voice; often targeted as, "The Problem." (Translated: "If only we'd behave, then Mom wouldn't...")
When the Clinical Team, asked if she were angry: Mom denied it. I asked permission to state the blatently obvious answer. They listened as I replied that we never knew anything but anger around her. Mom defended herself, saying, "I was only angry because you MADE me that way..." (telling on herself). My husband thought this was classic, kind of laughing about it. I'm not laughing.
My Pastor related a recent event, when called to a jail to "help," someone in serious trouble. The man excused his behavior, saying he was Bipolar. Pastor said, "No, you're a Narcissist; you love YOU! As a selfish child you threw a tantrum until you got your way, and people gave in for expediency. Continuing on that path led to your incarceration as an adult. Adults have consequences, and that's why you're in jail. It's not a medical problem, but a sin problem." At what point does a oft-traveled path become an "organic" condition?
A team member from the Clinic called yesterday to ask how Mom was, and if we followed their recommendations. There are many appointments scheduled, and medications have been changed or discontinued; with a new one started. They say it's a long road ahead. I'm already fatigued.
Thanks for your input, ladies. We lived in Mom's "chameleon world" a long time. I'd say she's vindictive whenever she's threatened with not getting her way, or having her perceptions challenged. Her lying nails jello to the tree. And "difficult" is a polite euphemism for the unmanageable, isn't it?
I'm going to research the eggshell book. Will check out "Borderline Personalities" as well. Thanks for your thoughtful responses. I'm praying we can find resources needed to navigate these stormy waters.
Dealing with "difficult" people also requires strength and support. Prayer and concrete suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you, dear ladies!
Carol
There is a good book called Walking on Eggshells and lots of info on the internet.
Now there are sub classifications of this disorder. You must find out what exactly is her specific diagnosis. Ask for examples, both behavioral and language. Remember that attitude comes before behavior, just like a toothache comes before an abcess.
If anyone you know has been diagosed with a personality disorder, do not try to engage them in a conversation or get them to do anything. You will regret it.
Yes, alcoholism and driug use likely made this worse. Also, abuse can cause its own form of dementia. I agree about the tests. They are only one little clue for some people. Your observations are much more valuable.
Antidepressants do have side effects, and it can get complicated as many people do well on one and worse on another. That said, they are often a good choice. It's just hard to find the right one and the right dosage.
You have a long road ahead. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
Carol
Furthermore, they agreed to my removing narcotics from Mom's repritoire as well. I received confirmation in writing that it was medically warranted, (and not just my doing...) so, again, I'm thankful for that. Her own astute referring Geriatrician suspects Mom has some Dementia, as well, (though she scored 30/30 on the regular scale). The Clinicians said just because she passed the memory test, doesn't mean much. I think it's a rather dumb test unless someone has obvious deficiencies, and then, it seems just to measure how far gone they are.
I was surprised at Mom's Depression diagnosis, and worried about them prescribing Zoloft, which tends toward side effects. I also wonder what others medications are used for people with a Personality Disorder, and if they help, and how.
Mom's diagnosis is a whole new way of thinking. I have to go back in my memories and reorganize my thoughts to fit in with, not just suspicions, but actual medical fact. That changes things!!! And it also helps me understand the egg shells we've been dancing around for so many years. I'm sure this will be a long process of adjustment. Now I better understand the fragile and volatile emotions we've all been experiencing for so long! In a sense, that's a relief, but the unknown is rather ominous in terms of, "What next?"
Just for today, I'm pleased to be exonerated of Mom's false accusations, and my own self-doubt, to some extent. I rest in the fact that God is guiding, and has answered some prayers in these matters. We still have many unanswered questions, but time will reveal more, I'm sure.
Carol, thank you for reminding me of the seriousness of this diagnosis. Lacking judgment for properly taking care of oneself often puts added burdens on their Caregivers. The Clinicians called her Personality Disorder "serious," as well. Never thought of it that way before. (Always thought Mom was just a little "loopy," or eccentric.) My sister and I jokingly called Mom a "sickie," but didn't know how accurate that was. I've blamed her alcohol and drug use for years. They certainly exacerbated the problems, but didn't fully explain them. Now, I curious to learn more about Personality Disorders, and what to expect. I was warned that Mom will become much worse. That's a scary prophesy. I've only just become Mom's Caregiver, and am already weary from it's requirements. It's a brave and demanding role. So thankful that God led me to this site for support and encouragement.
Can anyone who's been through similar waters offer helpful suggestions for navigating effectively and safely through the whirling dervishes? Prayer appreciated; thank you!
So, please ask yourself, how did change become evident to you? When did it start? If no dementia tests were given, I'd strongly suggest that those tests be done, including a PET scan. Medications would be different for the two diseases.
Take care,
Carol