My mother declined rapidly this year. She will be 86. Her only real issue is not eating enough to sustain her life. And it is mental. She has hyper gastrointestinal awareness. A reasonably common mental issue with elderly folks where they greatly exaggerate, in their mind, any digestion minor discomfort. And eliminates one food after another if she experiences anything at all. Her current "safe foods" are down to about 7-8 items. Period.She will not eat anything else. This has caused her to lose 20 lbs. in 6 months. She is down to a critical low weight and definitely has Sarcopenia via poor nutrition and nowhere near enough caloric intake to maintain. After months of trying, doctor trying - family members gently trying - I give up. In this situation there are only 2 possibilities. 1) Consult professionals, which will highly likely result in forced nursing home care to get her body weight to anything resembling okay. 2) Let it go. Yes, she will most likely die much sooner than later. But she is aware of this. And chooses not to do anything different. She refuses any and all advise no matter who gives it. And because of that - any professional consultation will result in mandatory reporting. And she will be in pure misery. Or, she gets to spend what time she has left doing what she wants, and not doing what she doesn't want to do. It is her choice. She is of sound mind, with the exception of her insistence surrounding food.
Try hospice care evaluation..
dies she want to try to live or die?
In Home palliative or Hospice Care. She'll get it for 3 months; graduate out if she improves, and then you can try again later.
I wish you and your mother the best of health. I know that this must be extremely hard on you, and having to go through this is exhausting and stressful.
Personally, I would leave her be and let her live her life as she sees fit. I will admit it’s tough to watch though.
If she is still doing her ADLs, maybe palliative care is appropriate?
I think she should be allowed to "to spend what time she has left doing what she wants, and not doing what she doesn't want to do." But is she really of sound mind if she is basically starving herself, possilby to death? I would question this. It could be a form of OCD. Maybe come at it from that angle with her doctor?
Are you her PoA? If not, you don't have much control over what she does, anyway.
This is one of those issues you can have with advanced elderly. Everyone knows what the problem is, but the person simply will not do it. And she will view any and everyone who tries to give advice as a threat. That hanging on to what little control they still have in their life. She lives with us BTW, in our finished basement. She does all of her own food prep etc. and 100% rejects anything anyone else makes. She orders groceries online, and I go get them. Which means I have a complete/accurate list of everything she eats. I made a list of food item for one month, A.I. totaled all of the calories/nutrients, also entered her height/weight/age. She is eating approx. 800-850 calories a day instead of the 1300-1500 she needs. As well as a severe lack of protein. And yes, I tried everything to get her to consume more protein - nope.