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About my Aunt I'm taking care of, She's 88 yrs old with dementia. She hasn't been prescribe any medication for dementia by her doctor. With that said, this means she is legally compatent at this time. My Aunt lives alone in her own home as she wishes/demands to do. I gave her options to either move in with us in our home or we move in with her to help care for her. She refused both options. She demands to keep living in her home alone.
Six months ago, one of my cousin's was her live-in caregiver. During that time many strange issues came about. I became concerned of how the cousin was doing things for our Aunt. To make a long story short. I learned that my cousin was beating our Aunt. Police and adult social services was called. The cousin was arrested for battery towards the Aunt. The family members had doubts that our cousin would do such a thing. I talked with the police detective in charge of the case and adult social services. They both tell me there is no doubt your cousin did these things to your Aunt. Photos of fresh bruises was tookin. And as I spoke with my Aunt's doctor this has happened before that I didn't know. So, I learned there is no doubt. After the cousin went to jail. Knowone was looking after our Aunt. The family refused to help the Aunt as afraid to be the next to go to jail if they try to attempt to help her as I was told by all family members I spoke with. I became concern of my Aunt. So, I decided to walk into this line of fire to help her. I am now caregiver for my Aunt. And her durable POA.

The reason why I became my Aunt's POA is because of two reasons.
(1)Know other family or friend was willing to stepup to this plate to help her.
(2)I was told by her attorney that he felt that my Aunt will need a POA.
So, in a way. I had no choice but to be her POA. If I didn't she would have knowone to help her. Was I forced in this? May sound harsh, Ya, in a way I feel I was. I took on this POA job without a step by step manual or instructions. I'm not brain smart or a attorney to know this POA job I learned.
Compatent or not?
As I am my Aunt's Caregiver & Durable POA. I'm running into many problems with this POA I feel. I was told since I'm my Aunt's POA I can't be hired/paid for my Caregiver services is this true? Is it because, this isn't my Mother it's a Aunt? I don't understand? If my Aunt is legally compatent? She should be able to hire me and pay me or am I wrong? Everyone I talk to about this question tells me to ask the attorney of this POA. I did ask. Without any help in return. The attorney's thinking is for me to go for Guardenship of my Aunt. This seems to be too extream I feel. Just so I can be paid for caregiver services. I think the attorney just wants to make more money.
The issues,
My Aunt refuses to spend any of her money. I'm losing money out of my own pocket by helping her as her caregiver. Just in gas alone is costing me over $160 a month to drive to her home not including runnings I do for my Aunt. My Aunt's desire is to live alone. In order for her to keep doing this requires her to spend money that she refuses to do. Example, she needs a stair ramp installed to her home. She needs life alert. She fell 3 times within a week while alone. She refuses to spend a dime. I don't have the money to pay for this stuff she needs, She has the money but, refuses to do so. By her refusing makes me look like a bad caregiver. I'm her durable POA but, I'm not allowed to spend any of her money without her permission for her needs? Sounds to me that this POA paper work is worthless. As I am her DPOA. I feel I should be able to use her funds to buy these things she needs in order for her to keep living alone in her home. As long as I keep copies of every dime spent as her POA. I shouldn't have a problem spending her money for her needs. What am I not seeing? I'm Durable POA at her bank. But, I can't touch her money? Is this POA worthless to me? Sounds like I should of just been Joint on her bank account instead. Should I stop being her POA? I feel my Aunt is incompatent by her refusing to spend and her memory loss and many other things she does.
Incompatent, Who makes that decision? She had the same doctor for yrs. The doctor I'm sure see's that she's incompatent. He told her the other day no more nite driving. To me, I feel the doctor is waiting for me to say she's incompatent. Making me look like the bad person taking away her rights. As if he refuses to say the word waiting for me to say it.
I need advice please?
Thanks!

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MY brother is 93 I am POA , I think her Dr should make a statement to pay to have these things done reason her safety and a written statement would help also being it is a safety factor
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hermom, see an attorney and file a petition for Guardianship. Competence can only be declared in a court of law. Your two MD letters would be filed with the petition.
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Do I have to provide two doctor notices to declare my mom incapacitated in the state of California
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how can you get incompetent changed back to competent mom had a uti that was really bad and had stopped taking her meds at the time Now uti is healed and she wants to come home (with our help for she is 87 ) any one go through this ??
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What are the signs that your elderly parent in becoming incompetent?
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I feel for you on this. I filed a petition to declare my mother incompetent and get guardianship, I was already taking care of her and three doctors said she was incompetent. All the lawyers acted like I was a villain for doing this when I was protecting her assets from some unscrupulous relatives. I found out that legal definitions were not necessarily the same as medical definitions. Also, dementia in certain stages makes people paranoid- she told the lawyers I was stealing from her and they acted like they believed her (all very painful to me) and of course they did not find any wrongdoing. So of course if you have to do the right thing in order to help her and you get backing from other relatives, then I would advise you to go ahead and file for guardianship. Since my mother had a trust naming me as successor trustee for incapacity luckily I can spend the money for her care without guardianship. She is now in a later stage and doing very well in my care and the relatives have no way to bully her as they were doing before.
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Whether or not your aunt is being prescribed medications doesn't have anything to do with a diagnosis of dementia--there are not many meds for this, and they are not very effective long-term--some will slow the progression somewhat, and some people do not respond. A diagnosis is usually made by observation and some neurological tests can give some information.
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HELP! I have a dear, elderly friend who is 89 years old. During a very difficult time in December, set adjusted her trust naming a professional fiduciary in the event of being declared incompetent, and listing her nephews (in their 60's) as heirs. Enter me, she called me almost hysterical about her horrible nephews. We tried to change her trust, but they contacted a doctor who saw her 9 months prior, and said she was incompetent. Enter the fiduciary. She has mild dementia, but wants to change her trust. The fiduciary won't allow money (she is fairly wealthy) for the attorney. What is my recourse?
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when mom ran outside in just her robe in the dead of winter when it was 11 degrees outside i knew it was time, but i watched and waited for 18 months until she had a major stroke and it was obvious to everyone that some one had to do things for her.. if durring those 18 months i had seen her make some huge erratic financial purchase i would have stepped in to stop or slow it down until more rational thinking would take over.... but even then you must go slow on taking over EVERY aspect of a person's life... for example they may not be able to balance the check book any more, but still they can brush their own teeth and get satisfaction from that, and believe me you want them to feel in control of as much they can handle, and your job is to watch very carefully and be ready to gently step in and help
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I just went through a similar situation with my mother, and it sounds like you have what is called a springing power of attorney rather than durable power of attorney. In a springing power of attorney you do not become her poa until she is declared incompetent. This would have to be done by a MD, but shouldn't be too hard to get if she will go to the MD and you give her physician a heads up. Once you are her POA you should be able to access funds to pay for her needs including reimbusement for your gas etc. Just keep good records for what you are reimbursing. POA paperwork does allow the individual to indicate that you can be paid for your time and services as well. I expect your Aunt did not put that in hers if she is afraid to spend money.
If you can't get that then you will need to go for Guardianship which also requires a MD statement and a judge to award the guardianship. If she is putting herself in danger though it shouldn't be too hard to get that and doesn't cost too much. You may need to get this as well before you can get her the help, or to the facility that would best serve her. We had to get guardianship, my mother had to be hospitalized and stabilized on medication for her anxiety and combativeness. Then she was able to be discharged to an assisted living unit for memory care. She is not happy 100%, but is safer and at least I am not worrying every momment whether she is in danger. We offered her to live with us and she refused and then were building in lots of caregivers which she also refused, leaving us little choice.
As her wonderful gerontologist said to me, "the stronger and more determined a persons' will is, the more difficult it is for them to give in to let other's help."
I wish you the best as you try to get your Aunt what she needs, if not what she wants. Dementia really can cause a person who maybe was a little eccentric, become someone who really cannot make sense of the world around them. Then fear of what they are loosing can cause them to really dig in and refuse change. It is very sad.
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Sounds like two different issues. With DPOA you need to:
1. Have her permission to make financial and medical decisions on her behalf and therefore act on her behalf; OR
2. She has to be declared incapable of making her own decisions and therefore a usually 1or 2 doctors will have to provide written documentation stating that fact so that legally you can invoke the POA.

The second piece you are asking is whether you can get pay and compensation for her care. Yes you can PROVIDED you do so legally by drawing up an employment agreement that outlines hrs, wages, other benefits, vacation, respite care, job responsibilities, care you will provide, reimbursements, etc. AND you will have to pay taxes on this income. You will have to keep good records to this affect as well.

I'm not sure if you can have the POA plus hire yourself as that could be construed as conflict of interest and a lawyer is best able to advise you on this. If there are other family members who would/could have financial interest in the estate, you would be wise to inform them of what you are doing as far as DPOA, any employment agreements etc to avoid heartache or litigation later.
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Listen as poa u can spend money on your aunt....u can hire people and you and you can erite checks for her. I would see what guatdianship entails fo it with her money. YOU NEED TO GET HER TO A DOCTOR TO SEE IF SHE IS COMPTENT BUT NOT BEFOTE YOU GET GUADIANSHIP. PAY THE ATTY W HET MONEY.I GET BOOKS AT LIBARARY OR I GOOGLE ANSWER.YOU BRING POA PAPERSHIP TO BANK THEN THEY PUT YOUR NAME ON ACCT..JUST KEEP RECORDS IF EVETYTHING AND FOR GODSAKE PAY YOURSELF BACK. GOOD LUCK
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I mean...we do not have a conservatorship...sorry
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We took our mother to a neurologist, after testing, he said she could not make decisions for herself. We took that letter to mom's attorney who then file all the necessary paperwork with the court making my sister executor of mom's estate and will. The DPOA was written so we could not activate it without a diagnoses from a dr. stating mom was mentally incapacitated. We do have a conservatorship because the attorney said it was not necessary unless my mother tried to leave a facility and the facility did not stop her. Most facilities will work with a resident to calm them down and talk them out of leaving. In California, a facility cannot stop a person from leaving by restraining them. I agree, a guardianship or conservatorship is very time consuming, here you would have to go to court every other year showing financial records and how the money is being spent on the elder.

I would definitely see and elder law attorney to help you get the finances started so you can use your aunts money for her care. Unless you have some relatives that you think may try to take the DPOA away from you, I personally would not seek a guardianship.
Good luck.
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I am my mother's poa. Your job is to protect her assets and protect her. If she is homebound and she has health insurance that should take care of a percentage of in home care. Her insurance also will cover the life alert system. I strongly advise you to stay away from going to court and saying she is incompetent. What is that going to prove? She just wants to be in her home. Go to your local senior citizen locale and get advice on payment. You have every right to get the supplies she needs if you sign that check with your name and put POA at the end of your name.
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A guardianship is an extreme way to go. If she gave you a power of attorney, that should be all you need.

The POA should say in fairly plain language if it is effective immediately or whether she has to be declared incompetent. Her personal doctor can give you a simple letter saying that she can't take care of her own affairs and that's enough. After that, you don't really need her permission, although it's easier on you emotionally if she approves. Just take the letter and POA to her bank and they will tell you what to do to be able to sign for her.

The lawyer should have made sure she has two POAs, one for finances and one for medical purposes.

A guardianship is expensive and has lots of paperwork requirements for proving to the court periodically that you are acting in her best interest. You definitely want a lawyer to apply for guardianship and maybe need a lawyer or geriatric care manager to help you with the paperwork later. That's not the first thing to try and is usually only necessary if someone else in the family contests your right to act for her or she protests your taking care of her.

In Texas, where I live, there are two types of guardianship. Guardianship of the estate lets you take care of her financial affairs. These are the things you can also do with a POA. Guardianship of the person lets you make medical and personal care decisions for her. These are things you could do with an MPOA (medical POA). For example, if she becomes unsafe at home, you might need to guardianship of her person to move her to a nursing home, and guardianship of the estate to pay for it. If you can do them with just a POA and an MPOA, it's easier.

You're doing the right thing by your aunt. If she has dementia, she might not know it and might not be very thankful for it, but that's part of the disease. Good luck.
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First Congrats on being willing to step up to help your 88 year old aunt. The POA is useful to help pay her bills, arrange help for her if she needs help in the home. It is too bad she isn't willing to allow you to act for her behalf. I would guess she is afraid she will run out of money and that is a common fear among the fragile elderly who are alone. If you can find "free" program supports use them first.
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You are definitely not the bad person here, you are a hero for stepping in when no one else would. As others have said, it is important to get her tested and Medicare may pay for that. Medicare will also pay for an occupational therapist, physical therapist and social worker to visit and write up a plan for you and make recommendations on what to buy. You might also look into day care dementia places to see if she could afford them. Yes, getting on her bank account is key- you can take out money with a POA but that can be challenged by a relative. Best of luck to you!
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You definitely needs someone to help you. Your DPOA should allow you access to your aunt's funds so you can provide her with items she needs and reimburse you for gas/travel. Keep receipts, get her to a board certified doctor (neurologist) who will test to see if she is incompetent, and then when the tests are done, file for guardianship and let a judge rule that she is. The other way is, if she is a danger to herself or others you can put a 72 hr. hold on her in a psychiatric facility and the hospital staff doctors can say if she is competent or incompetent. But start first with getting the rails up and making her safe regardless of her objections (her refusals are indications that her mind is not thinking in her best interests). Let no one try to bully you out of wanting to care for this aunt, and since you are not your cousin and wanting to abuse your aunt, don't be afraid to be her advocate and act on her behalf as power of attorney or guardian. These are huge responsibilities, but I feel your heart is in the right place, and God bless you for stepping up for your aunt! Be well...
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Only a judge can declare someone incompetent. Based on your descriptions here and elsewhere, your aunt needs to be in a memory care facility.
No, you cannot take out money or write checks to yourself. Keep trying and you will land in jail. You really need to see a lawyer and have a guardian appointed for your aunt, you have been struggling with it for too long.
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