Hello, I need some guidance. I think I've made a significant mistake. I'm eight months pregnant, and when I was five months along, I moved to be with my family and have been staying with my grandmother. She has been trying to control every aspect of my pregnancy, from whether I should have an epidural to who can be in the hospital room with me. While the baby’s father hasn’t been the best support, those decisions should be mine to make. My grandmother is also trying to dictate things like baby names and what I purchase. Since she lives in a remote area, I feel like I have no choice but to depend on her. She didn't inform me that she got rid of her other car and that her husband drives two hours to work every day, leaving them out of the house most of the day. I came to her for help, but once I arrived, everything shifted to being about her. She's even suggested that I need to manage everything on my own, in case she's not around someday, which makes me feel like I should have just stayed with the baby’s father. When I try to talk to her or ask for assistance, she often ignores me or claims she's too tired. Today, when I asked for advice on baby items, she instead went on a long rant about how challenging it is to care for a baby and made a comment about always wanting a baby, which felt uncomfortable. I’ve also been discussing my desire to return to the state where my baby’s father is, but she keeps giving reasons for why I should stay with her. I feel stuck since I can’t get around, and I’ll need to find work soon, but I’m dependent on her. She treats me like a child and is very overbearing, making everything revolve around her. I want to leave before the baby arrives, but I feel guilty as I've already told them I’d be around for the birth. It seems like no one has considered my feelings throughout this pregnancy. She appears to be trying to keep me trapped in her home and suggested finding work, even though she can’t take me out to the store or to appointments, as we must work around her husband’s and other house members’ schedules. She had assured me this wouldn’t be the case, and I’ve been relying on my baby’s father, which has been costly since I'm forced to order everything online.
If you are not happy where you are, can you go back to the baby's dad for now? Can you try to make your relationship work with him?
You are in a tough situation. You need to figure out how to get your s**t together and stand on your own two feet.
Unless she has you chained or has broken your legs (thank Steven King and the book Misery for that) you are not "trapped"
Move out of grandma and grandpa's house.
I have the feeling if you do not leave before the baby is born you will not be leaving anytime soon.
By the way, she is treating you like a child because to her you are a child.
1) They don’t think you can cope on your own or with the BF; OR
2) They want you to turn into a caregiver for your GM.
Think carefully about which it is. If it’s the second, work out when to leave as soon as you can. You need somewhere to give birth and for the first weeks, but it will be easier to cope with if you have a clear exit plan.
I would start with Googling everything about codependency. I would look up Melody Beattys books, she helped me the most, actually my therapist suggested them years ago, "Codependency, No More."
I sometimes go on meta AI on Instagram and ask "it" question. Like if you ask it what is codependency, it will tell you, then give you places and book ideas to learn more.
Regarding control: YOU are in control. If you don't think you have control it is because you are giving it away to her. You don't know what your boundaries should be or how to defend them.
I'm conflicted about advising you to go live with the baby's father. This is because when my son got his girlfriend pregnant (she hadn't even graduated HS and he was very immature). After my grandson was born they lived together in her home with her Dad but because they were both clueless it didn't last long and the stress caused my son to break out in hives from head to toe. His GF's Dad was a somewhat functioning bi-polar alcoholic. My son's GF was incredibly exhausted and stressed. Living together didn't last long, my son moved back in with us and parented "remotely". Just saying that, although moving back with your ex seems like an option, if it doesn't work out then what would be your back-up plan? How are you supporting yourself? Make sure your ex pays child support, either willingly or not. If you do go back to live with him it may be a good idea to go to couples counseling together. Raising a newborn when you are both exhausted and broke is no walk in the park.
Or, live near (not with) your Grandparents but apply for section 8 housing and financial aid. Go talk to social services for your current county. You will get aid. But don't expect much from your Grandmother... she sounds weird.
I truly wish you all the best going forward. You need to pursue wisdom so you can have the best life for you and your baby.
Grandma is always going to try and dictate your life. If this is already going on, when the baby is born you will never have peace, she will always be telling you , the best way , to feed the baby, burp, etc.... also I suspect her ways are probably a bit behind the times.
You can't let guilt control you, or your child.
Congratulations on the new baby, move back with dad for now, and just concentrate on the new bundle of joy.
If you have to, to keep the peace , you can stretch the truth a little to grandma, tell her the baby's dad is begging for you to come back.
Best of luck
if you feel safe with your baby’s father, that could be the easiest and quickest solution. Another option could be to talk to your doctor - privately - and share what you are experiencing. They may be able to connect you with local resources who can help you find a better place to stay and make sure you and baby are cared for.
If you do decide to or need to stay with your grandmother, please create a very detailed birth plan. Outline every single thing YOU want, and do not even show it to your grandmother. Make a copy for your doctor and keep a copy handy for when the time to deliver baby comes and hand it directly to a nurse. Your grandma can demand whatever care for you, but so long as you are above the age your state requires for you to make your own decisions, the medical staff will honor your wishes.
I hope everything works out well for you and soon ❤️
Go back home and sort your life out from there. Your grandma sounds wacko.
It is not about your grandmother. Can the father come get you? Can you get a rideshare and get to a bus station or airport? A taxi maybe?