Hi. My family has been dealing with multiple health issues with both our mom and dad for several years now. They still live in the same 2 story house they bought in 1994. My husband and I have wanted them to move for years knowing that at some point their health problems would make climbing up and down the stairs an issue. Well that day has finally arrived. My father has Parkinson's disease (diagnosed about 8 years ago), cancer in his spine (this was discovered when he fell 3 wks ago and was admitted to the hospital), Type 2 diabetes, and heart ailments. I just got off the phone with my mom (she has health concerns as well including arthritis in her knee) as she sent a text earlier this evening that my dad was readmitted to the hospital bc he fell again this morning. They don't know how long he will be in the hospital this time. He was in for 2 wks. the past time, discharged 10 days ago, and now there again. The last time he received inpatient physical therapy. When he was admitted 3 weeks ago I finally got my mom to agree that they should look at moving to a condo. Better late than never! But of course we have hardly had time to catch our breath and now dad is in hospital again.
My brother lives close to them (about 45 min) so he went over there today. He moved one of the beds downstairs so when dad comes home he won't have to go upstairs. Dad is mad about this. He told us not to move the bed when he was in hospital last time. But I don't see what choice we have. Unfortunately, there is no shower on the first floor so he will have to go upstairs at some point. I did mention to my mom about checking into getting a Visiting Angel. I am hoping when they meet with the medical team maybe they might have other suggestions.
VA is on a list of states for NY that is advised not to travel to, or if you do, you need to quarantine when you return. My husband is still going into work, so if I go down there and have to quarantine, he might have to too.
I have 2 other siblings--a brother in Seattle, and a sister in Boston. I tried to get my siblings to have an honest conversation about mom and dad's living situation probablly back in Jan. My sister and was of the opinion we had to honor their wishes and they wanted to stay in the house. But I knew something like this would happen eventually! My husband is mad at me bc I didn't force the issue earlier. But that is neither here nor there--this is the situation and we have to deal with it.
What worries me is that my mom talks like this is all temporary. Like my dad will have rehab and all will be well. She was a nurse so I'm pretty sure she knows Parkinsons is progressive. I really believe she is in denial.
Anyway, I don't know that I really have a question. Just need a sympathetic ear to get it all off my chest. But maybe someone may have some advice on what the best solution would be for the living situation. I thought a condo would be the answer but now I'm thinking my dad may be nearing the time he'll need more than just a place without stairs. I considered having them move in here, but we have the same problem--a flight of stairs to reach the 2nd floor bathrooms. Thanks for listening.
I do not recommend that they live with you. Best of luck.
My parents are both alive, ages 91 & 93. Wanting to be independent, yet in denial of the care they require.
My mother is exhibiting cognitive decline, as well as weak spells that make her feel like dying. She has had three ER visits since this pandemic. Experiencing HBP spikes along with vertigo.
They had been quarantining with my husband and I in our home.
It coincidentally worked out this way, which was a blessing (for me, as well as for my parents)
My mother was recuperating at my home from a recent cataract surgery the end of February.
My dad was at their home, and was being looked after by my two sisters, one that lives with my parents, the other sister lives out of state, and came to assist.
My dad was missing my mother after a couple of weeks, and wanted to be with her, so he came to our house, and then that same week, the pandemic was issued.
I couldn’t allow them to go back home under these COVID19 restrictions.
My sister that lives with them, has her own emotional and physical limitations.
(This is another complicated matter.)
*My parents took her in 7 years ago, after she got divorced.
They have been lovingly, enabling her.
I’m my parents youngest of 5 children, and was designated to be their POA, as well as, contact person on their medical directives.
Being the youngest in my family, my sister that lives with them, vehemently resents, and doesn’t understand, why I have this authority, because “she LIVES with them”.
My parents “sheltered in place” with my husband and I, for almost 4 months since this quarantine was issued. ALL of my parents needs were being taken care of.
They were treated very well.
“Social distancing” from my sister, served as a blessing in SO many ways.
Prior to them coming to our house to stay, I had been going to my parents home 2x a week before all of this,
(I live about 1/2 hour drive away,) I was pitching in more, since last year because the sister that lives with them, was “too overwhelmed” caring for my parents.
It’s a very dysfunctional arrangement in their home, to say the least.
She doesn’t work, and lives with my parents, free of charge, her “rent” is that she does chores for them. She also has a credit card, my parents pay every month for her, and she has one of their cars to use.
I was grocery shopping, taking my parents to Doctors appointments, bringing them meals, doing their bills, and cleaning. Then, I’d get to go to my home and manage my own life.
So having my parents under our roof was a relief and a blessing.
After being they were here for a couple of months, I had been giving them my best, the “natives started getting restless”, wondering when they could go back home.
I told them, it wasn’t safe yet because of the COVID19.
By this time, I had their mail reversed to my address as well as their daily newspaper. It was an adjustment, but it was a relief for me, not to be running to their house back and forth, not to mention having to deal with my difficult sister.
To make a long story short, they insisted they go back home.
i told them that I was NOT going to drive them home.
i didn’t think it was wise or safe. I told them if they wanted to go back home, they’d have to arrange their own ride back, and under the COVID19 restrictions it would limit me visiting them.
I am an almost 6 year breast cancer survivor, and my husband is over age 60. (We are in the vulnerable category)
My cousin was called by my mother, and she and her husband came to get my parents.
My husband and I bought life call buttons for my parents since they returned back home, We also inquired to the VA , for my Dad, to send a nurses aide to come help with his bathing, it’s too much for my mother now.
I don’t know where I’m going with this, I think I needed to vent, and to let people out there, who are reading this, they are not alone.
This story won’t have a happy ending, we all know the eventuality.
Dealing with denial, is SO frustrating, as well as difficult siblings!