How to deal with post-stroke and dementia?

Agree. I was living 2 states away when this happened to my 92 year old father. I am also an only child, 62 year old. I upended my life for 4 years to manage everything for my elderly parents. They had funds to pay which made it possible. It completely took over my life and I rented a townhouse 5 minutes from them and kept my professional job. My health took a major hit. If you want to try keeping him at home, as I did, here’s my advice: do a trial period of 3-6 months, hire private caregivers with his money for 8 -12 hours per day 24/7. They do his hygiene care, shower, toilet, do his laundry, change sheets, arrange his clothes, make his food, do grocery list, order groceries online, and help him eat, clean his house and wash his dishes and care for any pets he has, take him to get haircuts and pick up groceries and prescriptions. Clean and trim his fingernails and take him to podiatrist for toe care during their shift. If you pay privately, no agency, this will cost about $120,000 dollars per year. If he needs 24/7 care at home, it will cost more than $200k plus. Agency care costs more. You are still overseeing everything and have to handle all financial things and yard care and manage grocery shopping which will include copious amounts of disposable pads, underwear, supplies and doctor appointments. If you choose hospice. Hospice will provide supplies like diapers and chux pads and a hospital bed and Hoyer lift and bath aides who come twice a week to give him a bed bath and change his sheets. The nurse comes once a week and does vitals and orders more lorazepam and comfort meds. You have to be there at least once a week to advocate for him. The social worker and chaplain are helpful. We got 5 days of respite care in a local nursing home per month with hospice. Hospice covers all costs. I never chose to use it because it was so disruptive of our care schedule and my father was not cooperative. It is so, so, hard and difficult, is my point. People told me to place my dad in a facility. I did think about it and did the research and visits. I chose to spend his money on his care and keep him at home. 15 months on hospice plus agency and private caregivers. I kept my job. I did not live with them. My health suffered. Take this information and take what is helpful to you. Leave the rest.,When it was all over, in retrospect, I would have not moved back. I would have supported from a distance. You live next door. That’s great and not good. Use it for convenience for you but don’t let his care take over your life. Hire help with his money or place him with his money when the time comes and don’t feel guilty. Your life matters as much or more than his. He’s had his life. Don’t expect your spouse to do this. Become a team together and get him in a care facility and you just visit and use his money to pay his bills. It’s completely sobering a a major wake up call to what is ahead for all of us. I want to add: my elderly parents both had LTC insurance policies for many years.They worked 42 and 45 years respectively for big companies. They paid every month for many years to a well known insurance company. I found out when I called for them and they needed it, that They have facility only coverage which means nursing home care only, no home care benefit, no assisted living or memory care. They need to qualify medically- need documentation of need help with many activities of daily living like toilet, bathing, eating, medicine. There is a 6 month ramp up where they pay out of pocket before LTC insurance pays anything, and life time max payment of 160k dollars. Less than a year in a nursing home. Look closely at whatever LTC insurance they have and know the facts before you count on anything.