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With dementia, there is no point in trying to convince him (because he can't perform thinking functions that require logic and reason and memory anymore).

You tell him a "therapeutic fib" -- anything that will motivate him to go: "Medicare now requires you have your free annual physical in order to keep receiving benefits." (or change Medicare to Social Security.. whatever works).

Then you go to the appointment with a pre-written note that you discretely hand to the staff or doc, outlining your concerns for your father, and to please give him the cognitive/memory test. They will be happy to do this.

Then, stay in the exam room the entire time (sitting behind your father so that when the doctor asks him a question, if he gives an inaccurate answer, the doc will look at you shaking your head either yes or no. This is what I did with my MIL and it worked out great.

Then before you leave the appointment, ask for the HIPAA Medical Representative form and put your name as the MR and have your father sign it. This will allow the doctor to talk to you about your father's private medical info (test results, etc) without your father having to be present or give consent.
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Can you tell us a bit more about why it is important to you that this diagnostic workup be done at this point and at his age?
For instance, is he living alone, trying to manage his own finances, in danger in some way?

Have you discussed this with your father, and what has he replied to your suggestions regarding testing?
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You can find an MMSE test online and ask him questions informally if you just want to know for yourself how he’d do. It won’t count for anything unless given by a professional, but maybe you want some idea of where he is cognitively. Which I’m pretty sure you must know already.

For instance, there are figures he’ll be asked to draw, copying them. Be sneaky, draw them yourself, then ask him to copy. Maybe he can’t. It gives you something to report to the doctor.

Does he know what day it is? Who is president? His address? And so on.
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I convinced my mom to go forward with a neuropsych eval by telling her that she needed a baseline test by which to measure her cognitive skills going forward.

On the day of the exam, in the car, she said to me "well, if they tell me I'm crazy, I won't believe them."

I was shocked. I had no idea that that was her concern. Can you ask dad what he fears from the results?
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Way2tired Jun 2023
My mom thought the same thing , didn’t want to be labeled crazy. My Mom only agreed to go to prove she could go back to living alone and get out of AL. Of course that did not happen.
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Do you need him diagnosed for some reason? At his age, it is very likely that he does have some level of dementia. What are his living arrangements? Without a diagnosis, you can still proceed with expecting the behavior of someone with dementia. You can ask his primary doctor to do some blood work to rule out some deficiencies that could cause confusion - thyroid is one I remember. Some meds can cause issues as well and could be changed to another class of med sometimes.

If you want him diagnosed, I'd do what a previous poster said about not telling him what he's going for and just have the test done. I would go with my mom and do the shaking yes or no to confirm or deny moms self reporting.
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