My mom has dementia. She has word finding problems and much difficulty forming sentences. She also has fairly severe memory deficits. She is VERY aware of these difficulties and asks me almost every day “ What happened to me that I can’t talk right or remember how to do things” How do you explain what has happened to her in a simple way that she will understand? We have never told her that she has dementia, and she currently lives in assisted living( 8 months now) following a hospital/ rehab stint. Thanks in advance for your help. I feel so fortunate to have found this group as it has been so helpful whenever I’ve asked a question, or just reading other posts that I can also relate to.
I always try to divert the question with "really, I guess it is aging. Oh my gosh I saw the funniest thing today...." and then talk about something or someone that will trigger them to focus on that subject rather than their lack of memory. Even focusing on the plants or sky that is in the moment "look, doesn't that cloud look like snoopy...I loved the comic strip...Oh him and Woodstock were quite a pair".
I have resorted to bringing a book of jokes to read to keep off the subject of their health. Sometimes it doesn't work and the anger set in. That is my que to say "I will ask the doctor and maybe they can explain better. But right now I want to have a happy visit with you. If you would like I can visit a better time when you are not as angry". This usually triggers him to be more calm because he doesn't want to be alone.
If it's been over 3/6 months, please have dr take a quick look. I font know why they build up faster as we age, but they do...,
Would you mom be scared if you told her that she is having age related memory loss? (I say age related memory loss because for many the word Dementia is scary). If you think it would cause her to be scared I wouldn't say anything. If you think it would help ease her stress about why she is forgetting things then tell her " Mom your ok. You are just a bit forgetful today. Did you sleep well last night?" Often times adding things that is easy to understand helps calm them. Sleep, hunger etc as being the cause.
maybe say something simple,
"I know it's hard, and it's not fair, but sometimes these things happen when we age. They just happen.
It's okay, we will get through this, it's okay..
we love you.
Margaretmcken is right, truth and love.
then music, dance, AND MILKSHAKES! Party! Enjoy music. Do bring photos, and ask about what she remembers! Maybe something will resurface. Smile , it's okay.
Tell her your stories! HAVE FUN.. MAKE IT
FUN.
Maybe she will tell you her stories.
PLEASE DO NOT CORRECT HER!!
It doesn't matter.
Hopefully you'll laugh together, and others too
You can create a book or Word doc or Keynote that explains what you think she can handle... "In 20XX you developed something called aphasia. This means your brain can't process your speech correctly. You have a hard time remembering because..." etc.
May you receive peace in your heart on this journey.