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Fawnby said: "Well, unfortunately, spouses are expected to take care of each other when sick, and for free."

The VA does have a program that pays a designated caregiver to take care of the veteran. I am receiving a stipend to pay me for caring for my husband. The veteran can designate a caregiver of their choice... family member or non-family member possibly named as their POA. I believe the veteran has to be 70% service connected or higher... but definite those who are 100% service connected.
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Reply to KPinSC
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Hello! I found navigating the VA to be daunting, slow, and ovewheming. It took three years for me to legally set myself up as my grandmother's caregiver because the VA paperwork was just that hard for someone who is not immersed in that life. That said, I had a group of guys working for me who were all veterans and THEY had trouble (across the country) getting anything done at the VA. So they told me to take everything I had (especially the DD214) and go to my nearest American Legion. The American Legion was AMAZING. They set up all of the survivong spouse benefits, walked me though if I was able to be my grandmother's caregiver in the eyes of the VA, taught us how to get better insurance, and they even gave me copies of records thay I didn't know existed. Eventually, I also got connected to the VA, but I am pretty sure that was through the American Legion as well.

I agree with the recommendation to go go to the VA, but if you run into difficulty, look up the American Legion in your city and make an appointment to at least help with the initial paperwork.

Lastly, when we moved to a new state, the VA was incredibly more accessible. I called the VA in a different "city" outside of where we lived. In truth, it was a suburb outside of the main city. Totally different experience and I still have a relationship with the guy who walked us through the hoops. My grandfather made sure to fight for 100% disability as he was dying of cancer. (It's crazy that he had to fight for it because almost all of our Agent Orange vets passed away from cancer.) Regardless, the VA rep helped us with us with some nuances that the AL may not have known about and told us about others that my grandparents could've used if my grandfather was still living (like fixing the house on part of the USG's dime instead of paying out of pocket). So....definitely worth a trip to the VA.
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Reply to GrandpasFavGirl
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Fawnby Jul 12, 2026
Agent Orange vets are dying of much more than cancer. I know many who are dying of dementia presumptively caused by Agent Orange.
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It depends on your state and VA rules at that moment (yes, they change, so get a VA advocate - they are typically volunteers who have "been there, done that" and know the ins and outs)
In Texas and Arizona a caregiver can be identified - even a family member/spouse. I'm not sure about other states. Payment usually depends on income qualification.
WHILE you are looking, listen for and keep a list of other resources that may be helpful for the future. You'll want "respite care" where someone can come in when you need to do things without your husband - and if your head is saying "I can do this on my own" know that you need a village. This forum says it all the time ... take time for yourself.
Does your area have in-home care nurses? Hospice care? Elder care attorney/resource - be sure it is all set up whether you are there or not.
AND one step at a time, congratulate yourself on asking the question. There are lots of resources in this forum for many detailed items that come up.
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Reply to RainbowHeart
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Contact the VA and ask if there is someone they can connect you with tha will help you through that process.
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Reply to LongevityPCN
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I presume you already are his caregiver but want to know if someone will pay you to take care of him. Well, unfortunately, spouses are expected to take care of each other when sick, and for free.

Contact your local veterans affairs office. Ours is in our county courthouse. They can help you file forms with the U.S. Veterans Administration to find out if your husband's service qualifies you to be paid to take care of him. Our local office helped us a lot, and they jumped us through all the hoops so that my husband gets a stipend that helps pay for his memory care facility. The stipend is only allowed to be spent on things directly related to his care. I don't and didn't receive any money for his care, though I provided home care for years before he went into memory care. I'm okay with that.

My husband is, by the way, dying of dementia "presumptively" caused by exposure to Agent Orange during his service in Vietnam. If your husband also served in Southeast Asia, get any records together that he may have and show them to the local veterans affairs representative who works on your case. Having records that put your husband in a zone where he was exposed to toxic materials (other than bombs and bullets) will speed up things considerably and perhaps provide more money for his care.

I wish you luck in finding what you need.
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