Right now I currently live with him, he views me as family. I have been taking care of him for 4 and a half years now. I'm recently unemployed. We are wondering if there are any ways to get me paid for helping him. He is a veteran, and they say not if he doesn't have Medicaid.
Of course there is the option of marrying your friend. Not a traditional marriage, but if he has good income, good benefits, and is elderly as a legal spouse you would not only have access to these resources, but may be able to collect them after he passes as well. It may be worth discussing with him.
An elder care / trust attorney should be able to answer your questions and see what you might be able to do.
In the short term, consider IHSS (In Home Senior Services).
While they do not pay much, it is something. I do not know if this is a national organization. Its worth checking into.
Googled and found this:
Main Compensation Options
State Medicaid Programs: Many states use consumer-directed or waiver programs allowing low-income care recipients to hire and pay a family member or friend as their caregiver. Pay rates typically range from $12 to $20 per hour depending on the state. Contact your State Medicaid Office to learn about local rules.
Veterans Affairs (VA) Benefits: The VA Family Caregiver Assistance Program provides a monthly stipend, training, and health care access for eligible primary family caregivers of veterans with service-connected disabilities.
Paid Family Leave (PFL): Programs like California Paid Family Leave offer partial wage replacement for employees who need to take time off work to care for a seriously ill family member.
Personal Care Agreements: Families can set up a formal, legally binding contract where the care recipient pays the caregiver using personal funds or assets. This helps prevent disputes and clarifies duties.
Long-Term Care Insurance: Some private insurance policies include riders or provisions that pay family members to provide in-home care.
Gena / Touch Matters
What's right is right.
financial situation and his needs and desire re at home care.
1) if he is eligible for home care services and he wants to remain in his home
2) if you can be trained as a home care aid and
3) if he is medically eligible for Medicare home care and
4) he can afford to pay you
then Maybe.
He should speak with VA social
worker and an attorney about long term care plans
PS many vets prefer VA home for camaraderie when they can no longer manage at home. They may have a wait list and not all are equal - they will take Vets regardless of ability to pay.
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If he has the money, sure he can pay you. If it’s a government scheme, there will probably be provisions about how the care can be provided (eg by you?), how many hours, and how much payment. That’s probably going to be the problem for you.
Also don't count on inheriting his home, even if he promises you. This forum regularly hears from people on the verge of homelessness because of these kinds of situations, Usually it's adult children who gave up their homes and jobs and spent years as unpaid and often unappreciated care servants to their parent or parents. The house needs to be sold or goes to someone else in the will or there is no will so the law dictates which relatives get it. You would be in an even worse situation with even less standing as an unrelated friend.
If you are living there for free without a job, you could be subject to accusations by family members that you are taking advantage of him. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, there can be an appearance of impropriety. And to be honest, getting him a drink or helping with dinner, as you described it below, won't sound very convincing.
I'm not saying any of this to criticize you and your relationship/situation, just to stress that you need to do your best to get another job to protect your financial future. At 55, hopefully you have several decades left!
Social Security only goes back 35 years when you apply for it. At 55, you have 12 years before you can collect 100% of your SS. If you don't work those 12 yrs, then you only get credit for 23 yrs. You should not give up your future for a friend. If he needs 24/7 care he needs to be in an Assisted living if he can afford it or LTC.
If he can afford to pay you to be a paid live-in care attendant, then you can be paid.
He can ask the VA if there are any services he is eligible for, which would include paying for an in-home aide. You say he already gets medication and medical help. What kind of medical help?
I don't have knowledge of what the VA provides.
You shouldn't have any expectation that you can start getting paid for helping out your friend just because you lost your job and need a new source of income. It's not as easy as that. If there is a program through the VA which will pay you, you might be paid a few hours a week for making dinner and doing small tasks for him - it's not a full time job with full time pay.
The stories you hear of people getting paid to take care of a family member or friend, as I am, are taking care of someone who would otherwise need to be in a skilled nursing facility because they can not live on their own and take care of their own basic needs, like toileting and feeding and mobility, and may even require special medical equipment. It's low pay for hard work. For those who qualify for Medicaid, it is more cost effective (for Medicaid) to pay a family member to care for them in their home than to pay for a long term stay in a skilled nursing facility.
What are his health or cognitive issues?
Why can’t he pay you?