My Dad had two glioblastoma tumors removed in April. Long story short, he is fading now. He's home and on hospice. He has never addressed the fact that he is dying and has asked me twice now, in recent weeks, when is he going to be better? I don't know how to answer him.
I've danced around the issue a couple of times, in that I've asked him about the afterlife and does he believe there is one. But I've not asked him directly if he knows he's dying and not sure I should. He hallucinates a lot now and I am worried that if he hasn't addressed the fact that he is dying himself, that my questions will be unnecessarily upsetting to him.
Do I just humor him? I can say, "Soon, Dad," without lying. What have others done in this situation?
It's possible to be ok with the idea of being dead, but afraid of the transition between life/death.
You could keep reminding him he's loved, if he's in pain let you know so you can get meds.
As the time comes let him know it's okay to let go and leave.
I did this with my late partner who I knew was dying and fighting it. I held his hand and said very quietly " it's okay my love, you can go now, I'll be with you soon. I love you." He died very peacefully within minutes.
It broke my heart to lose him, but this was the final gift of love I could give him ~
the assurance/reassurance that it was ok to go.
I'm not recommending to anyone else that they promise to join their loved one soon. I knew that, he was well aware I didn't want to live and had pledged to stay with him as long as he was here. So I was letting him know it was ok, I'd kept my word and I knew my promise could end now.
So that thought might help you with your dad, by saying, "you know, everyone's body is different, some it takes less time to get well, and others it takes longer, we just have to take it day by day." Your are just making a statement that is basically true, and he might be satisfied with it.
When he knew his life is going to end soon... he asked me that "Do you know I'm dying" "Yes I do know...." while I was with him I had a question for him, but he did answer my question before I asked..... That was what to tell his friends when they called, just say "he is doing much better then what I expected" It was not true but that way he wishes to do so...
I understand that every situations are different, when we become CG.. just do whatever best for love ones.
i had the nightshift for my Dad - morphine under the tongue, every four hours for pain - and i talked to him each 'dose' and stroked his hair/kissed his forehead, as i thanked him for everything he taught me. i truly thought he was "out of it" for the preceeding 3 days, deep deep slumber ... but about 5 hours later, he said "... i learned more from you. i'm glad i got to be your Dad." And he blinked, indicating he wanted me to kiss him on the forehead. Be gentle, but honest ... have someone with you at the time if you need to, but your Dad has earned the choice to have peace of mind. And the choice to do whatever it is that he's putting off - even if it's sorting his sock drawer.
Sorry - just my viewpoint. Hospice guided us through the death of my sister and my Dad. They truly are angels with car keys.
May God bless and guide you both ~ you're a very loving, caring child ~ and i know in my heart that you already know the answer. Your Dad has raised you well.
Keep it to the present-not the future. Emphasize that you want him to feel better and will do whatever you can to make that happen. Hopefully that will calm him a bit. focus on what you can do for him in the moment.
My father, after the hospital told me there wasn't anything else they could do, asked me the same question. I couldn't lie to him, so I said "No. So I'm taking you home." He asked me how long he had, and I said "Maybe a month."
He was gone a week later. The last words he said to me as I bathed him were "Thank you."
Your father knows. Just hold his hand and pretend it doesn't hurt.