I have hired an attorney to petition the court for guardianship of my father( read my other posts for more info on the situation).
I am struggling whether to accept that role or ask for a court appointed guardian.
My area of expertise is in financial management, accounting, etc so the paper work and forms are not concerning to me.
The last month has been the most exhausting of my life. He is calling 911 every week, doing weird things with meds, has fallen, calling me non stop, sundowning, etc
My hands are tied as to where he lives and I am now having to pay a sitter out of my pocket to be with him at night when his delusional and psychotic episodes always happen. It’s very expensive.
My hope is that as his guardian, I would get him in AL where he would be safe and this insanity that I’ve been dealing with every single day would be greatly minimized.
I worry where he would end up and how he would be cared for at the decisions of a court appointed guardian.
Am I wrong to think that getting him in AL will make this situation manageable for me?
Please share your experiences on what you’ve dealt with as a guardian or putting your loved one with a court appointed guardian.
"He is experiencing sundowning in which he is having paranoid delusions, confabulations, agitation, and confusion." Has he been evaluated by a Neurologist? Sounds to me Dad needs to be medicated to help with these symptoms.
You guardian or the State. Depends on how close you are to him. He will get help faster by having a State guardian. All u will need to do is visit if you want. By you having it, you will need to put in the foot work.
You would have more "control"...
...but control of what? If he needs Medicaid, that narrows down what facility he goes to.
You get to control his paperwork, and medical and dental care.
If the county (or whomever the court appoints) has guardianship, you don't have to worry about the things mentioned above. You just visit him and carry on your relationship and life.
In our family's case my SFIL was first placed in a facility that was 1 hr drive from us. Since we had to ferry my MIL there and back at least once a week, we brought this "hardship" to the guardian and they got him moved closer. The original facility was much nicer because it was newer but in a rural area, so had MA beds available. The one in town was not good, but none of the county-run MA facilities were good.
Was told a family member as Guardian is first choice - IF a family member says yes.
Things I was advised to consider;
1. My willingness (vs burden)
2. My suitability/ability (organiaing, paperwork, financials etc)
3. Potential harm to the relationship
I had previously thought I would automatically volunteer if/when needed but the 3rd point really made me stop & think.
Even so, would I say yes, in a crises, to ensure a smoother transistion into supported living?
Could I then give over to a State Guardian later if needed?
Windy, is that an option? Guardian now, see how it goes?
I would avoid the process if you can. It sounds like your dad is way beyond assisted living and needs memory care or psych hospital.
If he qualifies for Medicaid you should apply. Don’t go broke with his care.
I don’t know what your feelings are for your dad but there’s no shame in walking away and letting a court appointed guardian deal with his care. I considered doing that at one point. My folks who were good, kind people got crazy stubborn as dementia took hold and they could be impossible to deal with but I soldiered on and got through it.
Good luck to you.
I got social services involved and they qualified for some in-home services. At one visit, the aid thought she heard my MIL "slap" and yell at my SFIL so she reported it. Honestly, my MIL wouldn't hurt a flea but his set in motion the county's acquiring of guardianship for SFIL. The guardian was Lutheran Social Services (in MN). They removed my SFIL to a Medicaid MC facility (because he became aggressive and was a big man). But the guardian communicated with us just fine, asked about his preferences and individual tastes; we were still able to visit him and carry on whatever relationship we wanted to (we brought my MIL there to visit him). But I don't think on Medicaid he got very good medical care, not that anything would have prevented him from dying from his PD.
Once he passed, the guardian contacted us to aske what to do with his ashes. Eventually they sent out a financial accounting of how they spent his SS.
Please do not spend your own money to pay for your Dad's facility -- it is unsustainable. The court can assign his guardian and you can still be his advocate by visiting him often and reporting what is and isn't happening. Your Dad is not a candidate for AL, maybe unless they get him meds to deal with his delusions and psychosis. Has he ever been checked for a UTI? It can cause symptoms like you are describing that your Dad has.
Report him to APS as a vulnerable adult. Then maybe start researching guardians in his county (so that when the court appoints one, you will have an idea whether to dispute this or not, if that's even an option).
May you receive peace in your heart on this difficult journey.
I’m curious as to why you don’t think he can go to AL. Do you mean state funded AL?
These delusions and sundowning are very common with dementia I am learning.
I shouldn’t have used the word psychotic. It’s just the best word I thought of because it’s such bizarre behavior. It only happens some evenings but it’s happening more frequently. It seems to start with anxiety then turns into paranoia and delusions.
He’s had a blood work done every week for the past 5 weeks as he’s been taking weekly trips to the ER. His blood work is normal.
He is experiencing sundowning in which he is having paranoid delusions, confabulations, agitation, and confusion.
Delusional? Psychotic?
NO, don't become guardian whatever you do.
You don't mention dementia here and I have no time to read former posts, but my recommendation, since mental illness isn't something for which the courts grant guardianship excepting in the most DIRE circumstances of proof of danger to self or others, and in those case the person is NOT manageable--do not do this to yourself.
Recommend reading Liz Scheier's memoir of attempting care of her mentally ill mother--title is Never Simple-- for decades with the help of the city and state of NY. All to no avail.
Allow APS to have the court have a state appointed fiduciary and guardian. Do not invest your own money, something you should already know, as that will be needed for your own aging care.
Call APS to report senior at risk. Let the state take this on.
He is experiencing sundowning in which he is having paranoid delusions, confabulations, agitation, and confusion.