I like my caregiver, however I do not like her bringing her children along at times. She has the 10yr. old daughter (which is o.k.), but a 6yr, or 7yr, old
boy, who touches everything on my coffee table. Sneaks into my office, I resent majorly. I do not want to hurt her feelings, but I do not know how to tell her to leave her children at home. If this keeps up, I will have to look for another caregiver. Help, Help.
Thanks
Everyone's situation is not the same. Sometimes a person does not have to be a hard a** about it.
When you have a good caregiver who's honest and decent, be grateful because we're not so easy to come by.
Speaking to the caregiver first is often a better idea then immediately snitching on them to their supervisor.
She probably can't afford to hire a Sitter.
You'll have to weigh the pros and cons before letting her go.
Maybe you can let her know to tell the children not to touch your things or go in to your office.
Maybe you could have one room where they can stay to Watch TV, Color, kids hand held learning computer, a Board game, ect and play outdoors.
My mom's aide recently had to bring her two daughters (age 4 &7) over during school break, when their usual babysitter was on quarantine. It was either that or she couldn't come that week. It was temporary, and the girls were well behaved. Mom enjoyed the company. It was a win-win for all that week.
You are being fair by explaining this to her as it would be worse for her, not to be given that opportunity.
If you are straight with her about needing to find someone else, she is less likely to try to influence you to change your mind. She knows you mean it.
Good luck, be strong!
"I am sorry but you are going to have to find other care for your children. I realize these are difficult times but I can not risk your children getting hurt on my property, or they damaging something here. I also feel that with your children here if something were to happen to one of them while you are tending to "George" your instinct would be to leave him and go to your child leaving him in potential danger. If you can not find other child care I will have to find another caregiver and I do not want to do that I like how caring you are and you have done a good job"
If that is to long try this one.
" If you can not find other child care I will have to look for another caregiver. "
You could add one of the following
"Please do not bring them when you return on Monday"
"I will give you 1 week to find another arrangement"
A caregiver should NOT bring ANYONE with her or him. to bring another person places your family at risk. For COVID, for the extra person to repeat medical information that they have heard (violation of HIPAA) and the potential of letting others know that there is a house that might be a great one to try to break into, the fact that there might be drugs, that at least 1 person is vulnerable and can not fight back.....I could go on but that is enough.
Or the person could make her sign a document protecting her from liability and lawsuits if one of her kids gets hurt.
If the caregiver can keep the situation in hand, then no one should whine too hard about the kids.
I’m not saying you owe your caregiver any explanation of why you do not want children in your home - it’s your home! You have every right to ask her to not bring her children. But if you like her, as you say, and she does a good job, and if she has been with you for awhile, you might want to discuss the reason why she needs to bring the children along on occasion. Although it’s really not your problem or your business. It blurs a boundary you might not want to cross. But she might say something like “in a few weeks the kids will be back in school full time.” I would give her a reasonable timeframe to resolve her childcare issue. Someone else mentioned flexible hours and days as well, which could be a temporary solution while she finds childcare.
You can tell the home health agency and that will be the end of it. I know it's not what you may want to do as it may also end your caretaker's job. Sometimes as we grow older we have to learn to put ourselves first however. You shouldn't have to be stressed like this especially with 3 of them like that. Too much! I would let the caregiver know how you feel first and go from there. Hope it works out well.
I hope this helps
Did she ask before bringing her children?
Personally, I don’t think she should even consider asking to bring her children to work with her. Nor, should she put you on the spot without asking and just showing up with the children.
She has to realize that children should not be taken to her job.
Tell her not to bring them in the future. She will have to find childcare or you will have to hire another caregiver.
Certainly, Covid has made everything more difficult for mothers to continue on in their work routine.
Long before Covid though, some people have tried to take advantage of others in one way or another.
I never allowed babysitters to have their boyfriend present when they sat with my kids. I find that ridiculous too.
Be sure to start the conversation with how much you like her and the work she does. If she gets mad, she gets mad. You can't do anything about that. If you have to find a new caregiver, just remember to discuss this at the hiring process.
She may also genuinely have the idea, wishful thinking no doubt but not groundless, that seeing kids about the place is *fun* for an elder. Hence if the OP is pleasant to the children, the caregiver may truly believe that the OP doesn't mind. This makes it more difficult to disillusion her, but nevertheless it has to be done.
Being flexible about hours or days may be helpful to the caregiver, and allow the OP to keep a caregiver she knows she likes.
I would tell her that you understand times are difficult with schools locked out, day cares closed, etc, but that for many reasons you find this unacceptable. If she works for someone else, have the discussion with the supervisor instead. You don't need to mention any of the "antics", just state simply that this isn't professional, it is unacceptable to you that she brings her kids along and there are potential liability issues. If she works privately for herself, then you'll have to say the same to her. She either comes to work without the kids or you hire someone else.
It is possible now that she's done this a few times that she considers that your reluctance to say anything as acceptance. I wouldn't let this go on for even one more day. If she shows up with them before you can contact her employer, greet her at the door and say she isn't needed today.
Totally unprofessional. It's tough out there, but this isn't the way she should handle it.
NO KIDS!!!.
Thank you all so much.
This is the tough part of being an employer. You have to tell her she cannot bring the children under any circumstances. Don't budge on it either.
If your caregiver is a private hire, then you need to sit her down. Explain that you hired her to care for your loved one when she is on duty - and that it does not include bringing her children along. Ask her if this is going to be a problem for her and give her 2 weeks to find reliable care for her children. If she says this is a problem, give her 2 weeks and find a replacement.
Personally I don't really think it's okay for a caregiver to bring any child to work with her - but two at once? Beyond a joke.
Do you know why she sometimes brings them? Does a sitter sometimes let her down, something like that?
You only have to get one sentence out: "[name], I don't want to hurt your feelings and I do understand that sometimes it's difficult to arrange childcare, but I'm not okay with the children coming with you to work. We need to talk about this."
Oh all right - two sentences :)
You don't need to tell her that 6-7 year olds are noisy little dervishes with sticky fingers and intrusive curiosity; and I certainly wouldn't tell her you like one of her kids but not the other! - all she needs to know is that you, her client, are not happy BUT you are prepared to discuss ways to make it easier for her to leave them behind. Are you willing to be flexible about when she works?
How can the caregiver focus on your needs with children roaming everywhere?
"No, I insist, you go and have a day off".
Is she a privately hired or through an agency? If she is from an agency, the answer is a hard "no" to bringing kids to the worksite. Call the agency to report it.
Is she being provided through Medicaid and sent from social services? I would report this to them. These are liability issues.
If you hired her directly I would make it diplomatically clear to her that she crossed a boundary but going forward you're willing to permit it if she respects the following rules (and you can create your own rules but DO enforce them ...)
1) she give you notice the night before if they are coming so you can prep.
2) the kids are to limited to being in these rooms _________
3) Her 10-yr old is in charge of minding the other 2 at all times because the mom is being paid to help YOU, not her kids.
4) Any damage they create will be deducted from her pay.
5) The kids are to address you as Miss ______ and treat you with respect.
I don't think this is a lot to ask, and I do understand that the past year has wreaked havoc on people's lives BUT she didn't ask you first! This is unacceptable in my world. All she had to do was call to ask. Not rocket science.