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I have two brothers. They are threatening to sue me. I was POA for our mom till her death. I was on her checking account as Pay on Death to me. There is a trust involved. I am Trustee now that she passed.


I was the only child to look after my parents as they faded. The brothers never showed up - not one time. For 7 years, I stayed by their sides as they declined and passed away.


I held on to the Trust funds until I was sure all bills and creditors had been satisfied. Everything seemed fine with my brothers. Then I distributed the bulk of the Trust per the directives from my parents. 1/3 each child.


Now, the brothers are questioning if something wrong occurred. Was there any influence wrongly imposed by me on my mother (who had dementia)? They’ve hired a lawyer. My tummy stays upset and my heart is broken, but I’m using the Trust lawyer to defend myself at the cost of the small amount remaining in the trust. They are depleting it.


I don’t know what words to use to describe my feelings about all this but hurt and anger come to mind. Where were they all those years. Why couldn’t they give our parents grace and show up once before their deaths? How hard would that have been??? And now to accuse me of wrongdoing is pure hatefulness. I’m distraught over all this.


Should I do something else? Have I abused my mom? I know I haven’t, but this feels awful. I wish my dad was still here. I miss my parents terribly.

Some adult children feel that caring for elderly parents is such an onerous task no one would ever do it willingly without there being gains along the way - a few thousand dollars here and there, a valuable heirloom, maybe a car or a house, etc., not to mention the love and favor of the parents that they can never hope to receive.

Your brothers might have even convinced themselves they are virtuous for resisting the urge to ‘take advantage’ of their parents in their old age. Of course your brothers never visited or helped, if they had seen what you had done for your parents all those years it would have burst the carefully contrived bubble protecting them from facing their own lack of compassion and greed.

Your brothers sat together twirling their mustaches, waiting for payday with a very unrealistic idea of what it costs to keep two elderly people safe, happy and comfortable for 7 years. You can’t change that. But I hope you can find comfort and pride in the care you gave your parents as they approached the end of their lives.
I am sorry for all of your losses.
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Reply to Peasuep
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I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Like said, their lawyer will look at the paperwork and see there was no wrong doing. That parents money was spent on the parents. If I was your parents and my sons didn't visit me for years, they would have got nothing. Children are not entitled to parents money and no guarentee there will be any when they are gone. The ones that do nothing are always there at the end with their hands out. I hope your lawyer sues them for your legal fees.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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It is always the GOOD people who question themselves over and over, who do ALL THE WORK and then get a slap in the face for it (who knows the bros' motivations; likely a combo of guilt and avarice).
You did the care.
You were the trusted one.
I am thrilled you at the least got the POD on the account with which you managed her care.
Let the attorney's and the brother's do what they have to. I hope our own attorney will get some clause wherein THEY have to pay all court expenses when told there is no case.
Meanwhile, happily you are spending the money of the trust and have it to spend, and they will just deplete it in this manner.
Hopefully, once the suing attorney has the info, he/she will go to the bros and say "you don't have a case here" and it will all drop. They will be satisfied with examining what you have. If NOT, you are in for a whole cupboard full of maalox and pepto. I would be the same.

How dreadful really, to lose the brother's completely because of their greed.
I wish you the best.
I hope you'll update us.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Thank you. Good advise. I have stopped communicating with them directly, since they stopped replying to me. I’m letting the Trust lawyer handle this situation. I’ve provided all the Trust statements to the lawyer, which clearly show no foul play occurred. I’m not sure what my brothers’ end game is, but I agree. I see no future relationship with them after this is resolved. Which is heartbreaking in itself. I lost my beloved parents, and now my only siblings. My family of origin has been demolished and that makes me so sad. I’m so grateful for my husband, daughters and their families. They are my only family now. I’m also talking to a therapist about all this. It’s tragic. My parents would be furious at the division my brothers have created. But, I’m on my own now. I really miss my Mom and Dad.
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Reply to Livinglife2024
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Geaton777 Nov 23, 2024
Perhaps they can't believe "so little" is left in the trust to divide? Since they weren't engaged at all with your parents they cannot conceive of how expensive end-of-life care is?

I have 3 sons and I often reminding them of how disappointed we would be if they fought over our trust or whatever assets are leftover. They all know it's there to spend on our care so that they don't ever have to do it themselves and to expect nothing and plan to save 100% for their own retirement funds. We've tried to be as fair as possible (right now only 1 of them has kids who will understand this) so everything is divided into 3.

May you receive peace in your heart through all of this.
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your parents and the actions of your greedy and clueless brothers. Money (or the expectation of it) changes people -- or shows who they truly are.

Don't communicate with them except through the lawyer or in the presence of a lawyer. Do what the lawyer advises and don't have any expectations of any sort of relationship with your brothers in the future. You can't choose your relatives but you can choose boundaries to have with them. I wish you success in defending yourself.
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