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Mother has lived with us for the past 12 years. While at her doctor's appointment we were advise that she get a POA in place. She wanted Rebecca (my wife, her daughter) to be Attorney in Fact (POA) with no agents and stated that she did not want her other 2 daughters involved in her finances. Now they want full disclosure of all her finances. The 1 daughter stepped up at the 11th hour and did home care for her in Fla. for about 26 months. She was paid very well for that task. Prior to that, very little family contact. The other sister who started this has had almost no contact with me or mother. For the past several years she never once offered to watch mother for a few hours or have her at her house( 8 minutes away) to give my husband and I a little break. We have been caring for mother since 2010 when she moved here and 2001 when she lived in Cicero upon my dad's death. I would have welcomed help from them with open arms and certainly answer any financial questions while I was POA. We live in New York state.
Sorry, I totaled missed that mom is now gone. She died. No, you don't owe anyone anything from the past. Just ignore such requests. What IS owed not is that the executor, whomever that is, carries out the will as it is written. Hopefully that is being done. The rest is he-said/she-said and total nonsense.
Let go of the “who did what” it’s in the past and doesn’t matter anymore. POA doesn’t matter also, it ends with death. I was my dad’s executor and as such didn’t have to explain anything to my siblings. I chose to hire a lawyer to distribute money, didn’t have to, but wanted my hands off it. He wrote letters to them both spelling out what they were getting, neither were given information on what anyone else was getting. It worked out well
They might if one of these Sisters is the named Executor of moms Estate & gotten Letters Testamentary showing that. Or 1 has proactively hired a probate atty that does litigation and there actually is an “estate”.
So mom is dead, right? And mom long ago sold her home as she was either living with you / hubs or that daughter in FL, right? So all mom could have had is $ from house sale, savings and her mo income?
Has / Is probate going to be opened & is there a valid will? Like are there actually assets that need NYS probate court for them to be dealt with? If so whomever named to be the Executor is the person who has to deal with all this IF probate is opened. Otherwise imo it’s all a lot of noise and a buttrash of bother.
Ive been an Executor more than once, and sat in more than one courthouse….. one thing that holds true is that the will is more often than not an “artifact”. It is a representation of what their life and finances were at that period of time. And family and supposed be airs have had expectations that they are due a lil windfall. But life and its co$t$ go on. The elders life, especially their last decade or two, is nothing but outflow for $ & assets. If their only income is SSA retirement income, that is maybe 30K a yr. There sadly ends up very little left of value to place into an Estate left once they die.
You are SO right that "life and its co$tS go on" and "the elders' life, especially their last decade or two is nothing but outflow for $ and assets". My husband (95) and I (87) hope there will be a little left, but since we've lived considerably longer than we expected, that's not a given. We're just hoping that our resources last as long as we do.
Our experience may be a word to the wise for those approaching or in early retirement. If you can, plan financially for a longer life span than you anticipate (or even desire).
My advice is have an attorney contact available because I had to handle a decade long probate case and that was the absolute pits. All it takes is one person to screw it all up and this sister sounds like the one….
SHORT ANSWER? No. Of course not. That is your mother's private business. You not only don't have to, you should not. It isn't their business.
All right. The details of who did what and who wants what is totally irrelevant here. What IS relevant is this: 1. In order to confer upon someone a general power of attorney (NOT a medical POA which is what I assume the doctor wants; the MPOA would handle medical and the general POA trumps everything else and is financial, placement, basically EVERYTHING)--repeat: in order to confer this upon someone the "Principle" must be competent to understand what she is doing. This will be done BY AN ATTORNEY in the attorney office and the attorney will examine mother to be certain she is competent to do this. 2. It is the MOTHER who chooses who will be the POA. The person who is chosen to be POA must understand fully the tasks involved including the need for meticulous record keeping of every penny into and out of every single account, and etc. If the POA need the help of an attorney the elder's assets pay for this expert legal advice. 3. The POA is not free to and should NEVER discuss with sisters or with anyone else any details of the mother's finances. This is not right. This is private information of the mother's and only she or her agent can choose who to share it with as necessary and it should not be shared unnecessarily. 4. If the sisters have a problem with the general POA they are free to hire their own attorney who will go to court and ask a judge to examine the records of the POA. These records will NOT be shared with the complaintant. But they will be checked to be sure they are being kept. The sisters will pay for this attorney and will learn nothing of mother's private information; they will learn only whether the POA is keeping good records. 5. A Medical POA is called MPOA and that person makes MEDICAL decisions when the principle cannot make them any longer, and only then. They make them to the best of their ability to understand what mother wanted. They are free to share or not share with sisters. If the MPOA and the GENERAL POA are not the same person that's not good, but in the end the general POA holds the purse-strings and hence the decisions when mother cannot any longer make her own.
I hope this is kind of a POA 101 briefing outline here. But you should see an attorney to do this, do not pull stuff offline in terms of forms and have them notarized. That is not good enough for banks and they will turn you away. This is a HUGE JOB. Be sure that you want it. If you do not want it be sure someone else is capable of doing it.
These family squabbles in which a living parents is caught in the middle between siblings at was drives me, to be honest, frankly MAD. It is the WORST TIME, when the elder is aging and weak, for the family to divide and go to war. It is sad. It is cruel. It is to me reprehensible, and whomever is responsible for doing it? Well, I honestly cannot be honest.
I wish you luck. This is an enormous learning curve. If you take it on you are responsible before the law for this fiduciary duty and to do it well; I wish you all the luck in the world, because it was being made general POA and Trustee for my brother that sent me REELING into AgingCare Forum 5 years ago, frantic and anxious as the cat on the hot tin. Good luck.
See Mid's reply. The mom is deceased, so POA no longer relevant or in effect. Executor of the estate is now in charge of distributing assets in accordance with mom's will. What happened over the past 3 years is no one's business and not relevant to administering the estate.
If your wife has POA then she is in charge of all incoming and outgoing monies.
She does NOT have to share anything with her sisters. Legally. Morally, another story.
My DH just finished his run as his mom's executor. He kept a spreadsheet of all expenditures and income. He shared it with his sibs. They worked together to sell things, clear the house, etc.
He full well knew he didn't HAVE to tell his sibs anything, but he chose to.
Actually, since her death, POA ends. Who is her executor? If it's Rebecca, then she goes on as before, paying & clearing up debts & selling properties, etc.
At this point, POA means nothing. When the estate is liquidated, all the money issues should come out and be addressed.
Inheritances are paid acc to the literal will of the person who has passed. My BIL did next to nothing for either his mom or dad, yet inherited the exact same amount of money, since that's what his parents wanted. It doesn't matter how much one person has done or not...it's all about how the will is stated.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
No, you don't owe anyone anything from the past. Just ignore such requests.
What IS owed not is that the executor, whomever that is, carries out the will as it is written.
Hopefully that is being done.
The rest is he-said/she-said and total nonsense.
So mom is dead, right? And mom long ago sold her home as she was either living with you / hubs or that daughter in FL, right? So all mom could have had is $ from house sale, savings and her mo income?
Has / Is probate going to be opened & is there a valid will? Like are there actually assets that need NYS probate court for them to be dealt with? If so whomever named to be the Executor is the person who has to deal with all this IF probate is opened.
Otherwise imo it’s all a lot of noise and a buttrash of bother.
Ive been an Executor more than once, and sat in more than one courthouse….. one thing that holds true is that the will is more often than not an “artifact”. It is a representation of what their life and finances were at that period of time. And family and supposed be airs have had expectations that they are due a lil windfall. But life and its co$t$ go on. The elders life, especially their last decade or two, is nothing but outflow for $ & assets. If their only income is SSA retirement income, that is maybe 30K a yr. There sadly ends up very little left of value to place into an Estate left once they die.
Our experience may be a word to the wise for those approaching or in early retirement. If you can, plan financially for a longer life span than you anticipate (or even desire).
Get legal advice to navigate this.
All right. The details of who did what and who wants what is totally irrelevant here. What IS relevant is this:
1. In order to confer upon someone a general power of attorney (NOT a medical POA which is what I assume the doctor wants; the MPOA would handle medical and the general POA trumps everything else and is financial, placement, basically EVERYTHING)--repeat: in order to confer this upon someone the "Principle" must be competent to understand what she is doing. This will be done BY AN ATTORNEY in the attorney office and the attorney will examine mother to be certain she is competent to do this.
2. It is the MOTHER who chooses who will be the POA.
The person who is chosen to be POA must understand fully the tasks involved including the need for meticulous record keeping of every penny into and out of every single account, and etc. If the POA need the help of an attorney the elder's assets pay for this expert legal advice.
3. The POA is not free to and should NEVER discuss with sisters or with anyone else any details of the mother's finances. This is not right. This is private information of the mother's and only she or her agent can choose who to share it with as necessary and it should not be shared unnecessarily.
4. If the sisters have a problem with the general POA they are free to hire their own attorney who will go to court and ask a judge to examine the records of the POA. These records will NOT be shared with the complaintant. But they will be checked to be sure they are being kept. The sisters will pay for this attorney and will learn nothing of mother's private information; they will learn only whether the POA is keeping good records.
5. A Medical POA is called MPOA and that person makes MEDICAL decisions when the principle cannot make them any longer, and only then. They make them to the best of their ability to understand what mother wanted. They are free to share or not share with sisters. If the MPOA and the GENERAL POA are not the same person that's not good, but in the end the general POA holds the purse-strings and hence the decisions when mother cannot any longer make her own.
I hope this is kind of a POA 101 briefing outline here.
But you should see an attorney to do this, do not pull stuff offline in terms of forms and have them notarized. That is not good enough for banks and they will turn you away.
This is a HUGE JOB. Be sure that you want it. If you do not want it be sure someone else is capable of doing it.
These family squabbles in which a living parents is caught in the middle between siblings at was drives me, to be honest, frankly MAD. It is the WORST TIME, when the elder is aging and weak, for the family to divide and go to war. It is sad. It is cruel. It is to me reprehensible, and whomever is responsible for doing it? Well, I honestly cannot be honest.
I wish you luck. This is an enormous learning curve. If you take it on you are responsible before the law for this fiduciary duty and to do it well; I wish you all the luck in the world, because it was being made general POA and Trustee for my brother that sent me REELING into AgingCare Forum 5 years ago, frantic and anxious as the cat on the hot tin.
Good luck.
She does NOT have to share anything with her sisters. Legally. Morally, another story.
My DH just finished his run as his mom's executor. He kept a spreadsheet of all expenditures and income. He shared it with his sibs. They worked together to sell things, clear the house, etc.
He full well knew he didn't HAVE to tell his sibs anything, but he chose to.
Actually, since her death, POA ends. Who is her executor? If it's Rebecca, then she goes on as before, paying & clearing up debts & selling properties, etc.
At this point, POA means nothing. When the estate is liquidated, all the money issues should come out and be addressed.
Inheritances are paid acc to the literal will of the person who has passed. My BIL did next to nothing for either his mom or dad, yet inherited the exact same amount of money, since that's what his parents wanted. It doesn't matter how much one person has done or not...it's all about how the will is stated.