Follow
Share
Read More
Life is short and we only get to do it once. Set strong firm boundaries. It sure sounds like you and your wife got the short end of the stick.
Best of luck
Lucy
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to jassysodhi
Report

Choices. (I agree with Alva's comments below).

Many posters & many of us who reply have made choices to step in. To help in various ways. Provide housing, help with our own hands or funded home help services.

Many saw a family member in crises. Swooped in help.
Became the Hero.
It felt good at the time.

If this was you, own it.
This is step #1.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Beatty
Report

After swooping in, a caregiver can get stuck. Even the best intentions can turn sour.

The plan (or deal) no longer works well for the people IN the plan/deal.
Resentment grows.

Is this where you are now?
Resentment. If so, own that. As step 2.

I believe resentment is a message.
That it time to re-assess the plan - which you are. Good.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Beatty
Report
Beatty Sep 14, 2024
PS before getting caught demonising anyone, Mother, Uncles etc - go back to step 1. Own that this was your choice.
Your choice to step in, therefore ALSO you choice to CHANGE this & step sideways or step completely out.

You may not know HOW it will change yet, but know you CAN change this.
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
Well, you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Not quite the same.
It still means that your family are selfish, but it also means that you put yourself in this position by choice. If you aren't happy, then make another choice.
There are other options. Take them.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MiaMoor
Report

No, you aren't' being taken advantage of. YOU made some horrible decisions without any apparent research on what it would entail.
You now have to decide what YOU are going to do next.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Cashew
Report

Yes is the answer
seek legal advice to find out options for your relative to be looked after and how the estate can help
you can also enquire about how you get compensated or helped for another word for looking after them

it sounds like you made yourself available to help-made your sacrifices and now - the wheel turns - it’s someone else’s turn

the conditions to cope with sound very stressful and as you say
your situation has changed and you are no longer able to help any further
so it’s not negotiable- sk thing needs to be agreed

dont Go down the guilt trip road
you have done you’re bit
time fir the next person
no one minds that your finances and health are being affected so don’t you worry about the others pulling their weight
your life is as important as theirs

good luck
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Jenny10
Report

Take Gram to a doctor to get evaluated and treated for her multiple medical and mental health issues. Talk to the doctor about her options for long term care. Let whoever in family can make financial decisions for Gram know about those options.

Meanwhile, make plans to return to living your lives without the care of Gram. Give mom and rest of family notice of when you will be moving out of Gram's home and unable to care for her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Taarna
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter