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I agree with CWillie. There could be two sides to this situation - one as CW mentions, but the other as you describe.

I think generally many people w/o caring experience are afraid of someone whose behavior may not fit the norm, and perhaps even more afraid if they don't understand it. And if they don't have that experience, don't study, don't try to interact, they compound the isolation.

I don't know if it would help to speak to these people privately and explain how cruel their behavior is, especially the "don't sit there" advice. That was really low class, tacky and unkind.

Are there any programs that address community residents, such as explaining aging conditions, changes in behavior, and how to still communicate with folks affected by these conditions? Since this is primarily an older community, if there's a HOA, this would be the ideal means to reach out to the residents.

Is there any type of educational program, through which someone could bring in a guest speaker, under the guise of general education for the elder members and their families?
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Just persevere, those who are kind will try to include her in little ways, especially as they get used to having her there. But, don't let your love for her blind yourself to her disabilities, YOU may be able to get some sense from her ramblings but others may not. If she clearly can not fit in at all then perhaps an adult day care would be a better social outlet for her.
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