I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
Tell him that the paint is wet, and he has to touch it.
It’s too bad that stupidity isn’t painful.
There’s a selfishness to human beings that I think we just all sort of have! Just built in there…
The fact that community service is a punishment in society…It’s a pretty good sign.
Right under prison, you get community service.
It’s like:
How badly did you f*** up that you have to help the community?
IF my husband quits watching tv and actually does something,I would never bother him~
Your wife won’t start an argument with you if you’re cleaning.
One day, my wife’s credit card got stolen. What a relief! Because the thief spends less than my wife!
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.
You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time: Husband!
I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.
Happy wife…happy life!
I wonder who came up with that one!
…I wish husband rhymed with life.
In a Dada bank.
Calm down. You’re doing great. You’re doing great.
I’m telling you, you’re doing great.
Life isn’t perfect. It never was. And it never will be.
We’ve all got stuff to deal with. You’re doing great.
So what, you’re fat. Who cares?
We’re all fat.
You’re either really fat, kind of fat, or trying not to be fat.
After kids: Here, lick the rock, just please stop screaming.
You'll be screaming it later.
but I gave it a mini donut instead,
because nobody tells me what to do.
The trick it to not have it on picture day.
--use the bathroom
--relax on the couch
--open a chocolate bar
humidity.
I always wanted to look like a lion.
His name is Rick O'Shay.
I had a rough childhood because my parents
aren’t divorced.
“Ohh so you’re one of those people.”
——
If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, "He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.”
——
“The difference between you and I, is that I actually like myself.”
——
“You will never die of brain cancer.”
——
"How old are you?"
——
“Don’t make me make love to you!”
——
"Hope you will say something smart one day."
——
“You are not invited to my birthday party.”
——
"Do you know who I am?"
"Why, don't you? Did you lose your memory? Are you lost?"
If somebody says. “What are you looking at?” I respond with, “I’m asking myself the same thing.”
or alternatively:
“What are you looking at?”
“How many guesses do I get?”